and down i go again...

08/29/2013

well i was doing good today. i just cant win...:/ woke up to a clean house cuz matthew decided to clean early this morning, and i found out i will be getting a little niece the beginning of the year (super excited about that), and it was generally an ok day. but then he had to go and get an attitude with me because i stopped himm when he got up and wanted to kiss him and he kept pulling away from me so i kept trying to pull him back down to my level. well i guess that pissed him off cuz apparently everytime he has to go to the bathroom "someone always has to get in the way" or try to stop him. he stood up and reached down forr a cup. i had no idea he had to go to the bathroom to do whatever. had i known that i would have waited to kiss him until after he got out. but nope. so he got pissy with me and started saying how he was gonna start writing down times and keeping a schedule of when he was gonna be in there, being a smartass about it. which pissed me off. and now he is expecting me to be all touchy feely with him again like i was ten minutes ago. im sorry, i cant do that. hes been playing xbox pretty much since he got up, as usual, and its starting to agitate me. hes talking about going into basic again, which bothers me to no end. i have my reserved opinions about the US military and how they treat their veterans, plus i don't like the idea of giving him up for any period of time and him possibly not coming back (after basic). i can live on my own i just dont want to. i did not give up my life once to see it taken from me again and again. i am so lost on this. i am lost in life. its all so overwhelming right now. i cant do it much longer. i feel a breakdown coming on but i dont want to take any meds to stop it. i just want it gone. i dont know what to do and i know somehow my daddy would. i miss him. a lot. its really sad when you feel closer to the dead parent than the one still alive (for the moment). shes been dead to me for a while so oh well. i just really wish my daddy were here. i will always be a daddy's girl. no matter what. i may have never truly known the man, but i know him in a different sense. i know he would never stand for half the crap going on right now. i know he would know what to do. ii know he would be there for me and never try to use me or hurt me or let anyone else either. i just wish i knew HIM. im not ashamed to say i want my daddy. i just dont say it a lot because i know it wont do any good. it wont change anything. ..............-_-* anyone know any good remedies for a friggin headache? my brain is on fire again and i can feel it in my teeth. its not behind my eyes either. itgoes from teh middle of the top of my head straight down into my molars and side teeth. like a slice. i have a slice of pain in my head right now and it really hurts. its making me nauseous and even more irritable than normal. :/