so i have been talking to a new friend of mine and we have figured out something quite interesting about myself. a lot of questions i had have been answered, and the new ones as well. i am a submissive. as in dom/sub scenarios. this explains so many of the things i thought were just wrong with me. so many parts of me i thought were overactive, or defective. i feel so much better knowing there is a name for it and what it is, that i'm not just another freak. well, part of me is still kinda freaky lol but at least now i know why. the images going through my mind, the way i feel, the insatiable desires, the way i act, it all makes sense now. this friend of mine and i have been chatting about this for about four days now and i have discovered so much about myself that i didn't know. my only question is now, would my husband be able to handle me if i truly revealed to him what i can do. what i can be. i don't even know my full potential yet, but i know what i feel now is pretty damn powerful. i can only imagine what i am capable of. actually, i can't even imagine it. it's still all so new to me but hopefully after a while of chatting with my friend, i can learn everything there is to know. his gf is my best friend and she knows everything, so i too have someone to talk to if any concerns arise. i feel so much better knowing i am not just a weirdo who can't control herself. i have a place. a purpose of sorts. just knowing this gives me such relief, it's a truly wonderful feeling. i can breathe freely again. :} .....now if only i can get my husband to understand. that is going to be the truly challenging part. i've learned the literal meaning of the term "vanilla", and who they are. it's kind of like the fifty shades trilogy. a vanilla is someone who prefers normal sex to what i love and thrive within. with each new play session with my husband (introducing little bits of me at a time in my newfound element) i am fining new things that will almost make me melt. its amazing. its not for the shy or meek. you have to have a very strong sense of self for this. and i love it. |
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