so i got my belly button pierced today at around 12:15 my time lol. i love it. i will change the ring in about six weeks. it didn't really hurt much. just a tiny pinch. it's so cute! ...................
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...............other rants........
so my husband is (still) being a complete dick to me. apparently i have not loved him as much as i could or should have, and i'm acting like my friends and not myself, and so much other messed up shit. and this isn't even the first time since he told me he was leaving me that he's been a dick. it's almost every fricking day. i can't do it anymore. i am trying my hardest to love him as much as i fucking can and it's not working. obviously. i keep telling him we need to figure something out, that we need counseling or something and he still claims he is fine. we argue almost as much as we speak. we don't really talk that much anymore and it's killing me. i am giving him everything i possibly can and it's not enough. i'm wondering why he has even stayed. why he's here. all he's done the past week and a half is been a dick to me and my one friend and i'm sick of it. he's a dick to everyone i care about. it's almost like he doesn't want anyone else to have my attention, yet he treats me like shit when he has it. i used to think it was just because he didn't have a job or because of the house we were in before, but it has gotten worse after he got a job. so much worse. and i keep trying to talk with him and figure it out but it always ends up in an argument and i always end up hurt. always. why is he still here? does he still even love me? does he even WANT me? he keeps pushing me away like this. is it on purpose? does he want me to hate him so he won't have to end it? was any of it even real??all these questions and so many more are running through my mind. mostly just why??? why is he like this? why me? why is he treating me like he is? why doesn't he just end it now if he doesn't want me? why cause more pain than necessary? why why why? WHY THE HELL DOES IT HURT SO MUCH............T_T |
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