I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams. My mother and I haven't spoke to each other in months. The 24 year anniversary of my dad's death is in ten days, and I still don't handle it very well. I've been having horrible nightmares about my ex husband and the abuse he put me through. And to top it all off my Diane and I seen to be arguing over the stupidest things. He will start telling about something, and I'll get mad and it turns into a fight. My mother hates me and I don't know why. She blames me for everything wrong in her life. That breaks my heart. I didn't have a dad growing up, and she's the only parent I technically had, but lately she doesn't want anything to do with me. She's fine with my little sister and brother, but she hates me and I have no idea why. When we do speak, it's always a blow out about something that doesn't even involve me, or infraction she made up in her twisted little head. My dreams terrify me because I don't know if that asshole will come looking for me. Honestly I wouldn't put it past him. I can't talk to my fiancee about it because any kind of discussion about either one of our exes ends up in an argument... None of my friends ever seem to have time for me anymore so I've been keeping it all inside. Honestly I think I'm giving myself ulcers over this shit. I don't know what to do. I miss my daddy so much, even though I never knew him. All I want is a hug from him. A tight bear hug.... My mind is going off killer, and no one seems to care or understand.I don't know what else to do...
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