I can feel myself going down the slippery path of self destruction and I am powerless to stop it. I am feeling and thinking things that could very well destroy me and my marriage. I am trying to keep these things in line, trying to keep the beast locked in her cage, but she's chewing right through the bars, one at a time. I don't know what to do aside from getting professional help. I couldn't talk to a shrink about.....let's leave this other side of me unnamed. A side that few souls on the face of this earth actually know about and that none have seen fully. She is a very strong willed creature, and only a certain kind of person would be able to handle her, let alone control her like she needs to be. They see her through the bars and they run aaway, or torment this poor creature. Well, everything is building up and she's going to break loose any day, and then what? All those who hate her will be in serious trouble. She has no remorse. No sympathy. Only compassion for those who accept her. The battle between her and I is not one without casualties. I am paying a steep price for fighting a losing battle. But I'm stubborn. And I don't go down without a fight. Even if my opponent is significantly stronger......btw this photo is me now.  |
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