i'm kinda happy. after today -mmmm someone is barbequeing. i can smell it through my window- we won't have to worry about much anymore sex-wise. i just took dose#7 of my birth control and i am home free now. yay!! lol. i get tired of being so sticky sometimes lmao. ............~>so on another note, the past few days have not been too good for me. my hunny and i have been arguing almost three days in a row up until yesterday(he's still in bed so today hasn't started with him yet) and my grandmother really pissed me off yesterday. about two years ago, she told me i could plant a certain kind of flower around our flagpole in the front yard as a way to sort of commemorate my grandfather. she told me it was my space to do with as i wished. well, i did plant my flowers. well last night (after the whole incident of her telling my hubby to dig them up and put her own mulch down btw) she goes and plants ugly ass petunias in MY flower bed. she has the entire front yard, the entire back yard, all the pots on the porch, AND all the pots inside the house. and she just had to plant those damn stinky, ugly ass petunias in MY flower bed. i don't want them there, i don't like them there. i put a certain type of flower there for a reason. she says it's cuz she just wanted some color until mine came up. i don't care what you want, it's MY space. i don't have anything in this house just to myself. i thought that because it was for my grandpa she would let me have it, but noooooooooooo. ugh.......plus i've been finding out all this shit about my mother and proving her lies. her time will come. my time will come when i finally just snap. when that happens, i will be taking no prisoners. now that i know we have somewhere else to go, i can finally let loose. i didn't want to burn my bridges before and end up out on the street with no where to go. *oh yeah we are moving out in two weeks too. XD* but now that we have a place secured pretty much i feel more comfortable speaking my mind. it's high time i start because my stress-induced chest pains are back. i am so emotionally and physically drained from everything it will take a miracle for me to get back to being the Bubbles everyone knows me as. don't get me wrong, i'm great at pretending, but that is only until i am alone or too completely worn down to care anymore. i can still fake a smile and fool even my husband. i know the little secrets. like one for example, is when the smile touches your eyes, it seems more genuine. squint ever so slightly when you "smile" and most people will take it as a genuine thing.  you're welcome. |
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