so i took my husband and one of my bffs out for lunch yesterday thinking it would be nice, cuz my friend isnt in town all that much. boy was i wrong. there was tension so thick you could cut it. i mean, we had an alright time, but i thought they would have learned to get along by now, considering they'd already talked about this when hubby and i were still in MO. *quick backstory/explanation* bff and i have been friends for pretty close to 14yrs now. well bff called me one night when we were in MO, spilling his heart to me, telling me he's loved me for a very long time and is "heartbroken and honestly a bit jealous" that i'd pick matthew over him, especially considering i've known bff so long and just met hubby over fb 3.5 years ago.* i tried to make it as pleasant as possible, acting silly to try to lighten the mood, but i could feel the underlying tension. i could feel the stabbing...i dont know what you would call it. almost guilt, everytime i would hold hubby's hand or loop my arm in his. it turned out more awkward than enjoyable. we got home and hubby went upstairs to sleep before work and bff and i stayed on teh porch talking. it was still kinda stressed though. almost forced. we never had that problem. ever. i began asking myself if it was best to distance myself from bff so neither he nor hubby would fight over me. that is the very last thing i want. i've lost enough family, i dont want to lose a brother too. i just don't know what to do about this whole mess. i mean, i will not leave my hubby just because it conflicts with bff's interests, but i don't want to force a friendship between the two when i clearly know it will obviously not work. i feel lost. confused. i miss my other bff. she would know what to say. but she's in indiana with her bf and hasn't been on fb or written from her new address yet so i haven't talked to her lately. i sure do miss her. i knew her for just a few months longer than i knew him. what do i do? i feel so baffled right now. and confuzzled. and sad. very sad. |
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