>.< Memorial Day Weekend With My 2 Loves | 05/26/2015 |
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~♥ Today I'm Thankful For... A good weekend in general.
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I'm tired today so I may be more brief and less peppy. I didn't sleep well last night thanks to a pretty brutal Game of Thrones episode. I still deal with issues from the PTSD of being attacked when I was younger. Sometimes things I don't expect will trigger it. I enjoy the show, but a lot of it is really graphic. I had a hard time explaining what was going on with me to the Boyfriend last night so I think his feelings got hurt. I can't always explain it well which can make it hard. This morning we laid in bed with his arms around me and I told him I need him, and he said he's here and not going anywhere. It makes me sad that I need him to reassure me so much now. We had a huge fight last week where he told me he was ending things. We ended up working it out, but he caused a lot of hurt in myself and even with my daughter. She of course forgave him as soon as he apologized and moved on. For me it's been much harder. I care about him a lot and I love him, but that kind of hurt takes time to rebuild from.
He told me that ending things like that was wrong and he didn't realize how much he'd hurt both of us. He also said he's not doing it again, that he now sees that it would be the worst mistake he could make. I sure hope he means that and sticks with it. I'm not up for going through that again. I forgave him but I'm still having issues with it. The first night when we he was giving me a spanking I was so pissed at him for what he did and that came out. I also cut it short too, where as normally I can take a lot more. I was angry and hurt. It's come up a couple times over the weekend. I am really hoping that it gets completely better soon. I'm not trying to hold it against him or hang onto it, but there are obviously still issues that I need to get out. :/ He really hurt me last week. And he broke my trust a lot. He's a good man, he just made a mistake. He knows he did and he apologized. He also asked for my help with making sure our relationship stays strong and we make it through the rough patches. That took a lot for him. I hope we can make that happen.
We had a fantastic weekend together as a family! We went to a science museum, the aquarium, the botanic garden where we saw new butterflies and one even landed on my cheek!  We also watched movies, played mini golf were my daughter won over 2,000 tickets! And the two of them built wood binoculars together. It was very much an ideal family weekend. We all had a ton of fun and made a lot of great memories! My daughter loves doing things with him and us spending family time together. He told me all weekend how much he fun he was having and how this is how life is supposed to be. It's a great reminder how we belong together and how well we all fit together. He even paid for our dog to get groomed too, because he said, "I take care of ALL my girls." We talked more about the future and our plans. I really do want all of those with him. I hope in time we can rebuild everything so I can trust in those things as much again.
I'm working long hours this week with a kiddo who has some behavioral issues. It wouldn't be so hard if the parents had any respect for me. Half the time they change the times last minute and show up late. It gets to be hard on me. I'm trying to focus on how grateful I am for the money and that I will make it through. I need to apply for other jobs this week as well and sell of all the stuff we don't need. We are trying to save for a house so it's very important to me. I'd like to find more reliable work, or at least a part time bar job at night. I want to be able to contribute to things financially. The Boyfriend told me that if he could support the 3 of us himself he would. But I want to contribute. I want to be putting into things too. So my goal is to make that happen one way or another. If we could just get a house with good land, things would be a lot easier because we'd be together every day. I know that our time apart is part of the problem. It's hard on all of us.
I hope the rest of my week goes super smoothly and is very productive! I am looking into money market and share certificates at a couple local credit unions to start saving for a house. I'm excited I can actually plan for the future even a little!
⊱ ღ Belle Ivy Rose ⊰
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Life is pain. Embrace it. Live it. Feel the thrill of falling and the security of rising. Make the most of every moment. Live and love like you'll never let it go. ♥ ~Me
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Your weekend sounds wonderful, hun. Hang in there with him; I know he hurt you and I know, from experience, how hard that is to let go but he's worth it.
