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~♥ Today I'm Thankful For... My life. It's incredible and I'm truly blessed!
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We came home yesterday and found one of my new tampons had been removed from the box, opened, and shredded. I'm not really sure what the appeal was to the cats, but they are weirdos. They have a tampon fetish! Hahahahaha Yesterday I had a root canal. A while ago I had a lot of pain in my tooth and my nerve was losing sensitivity. The dentist told me we could wait to see what happened. Well my tooth got infected and we knew it was time for the root canal. I was truly scared because of how bad everyone says it is, but it really wasn't bad at all. It took 3 hours because my root was so thin and the dentist wanted to make sure he got it all done well. It was like a getting a filling that took a long time. I didn't even need a crown for it, he just did a permanent filling. I'm very happy with the results and I feel a lot better. The Boyfriend came and brought me ibuprofen because I didn't have any, and he spent a couple hours with us. I miss him so much when we're apart. I wonder if that will stop at some point or if I'll always feel that way?
I went through my diary and deleted all my old posts today with the exception of a couple. I took down all the ones about other guys as well. I want to be as respectful as possible to my Love. I would feel awful if he kept stuff like that. Plus it's not fun to read those old entries. A lot of them were super painful. I am living a new life and wanted to delete all of that stuff. Things have changed so much. I've met the man I love and will marry. He's amazing and I couldn't be happier. Things between us are not perfect, nor will they every be. But they are amazing and he is my One. I never thought I'd find him. I never thought I'd have this. I'm so happy I do now! We spent the weekend together again and we had a great time as usual. We had BDSM fun as well as regular sex, and lots of family fun. My kiddo has been a little bratty recently so she had to do school work and reading a lot. We're working with her to improve her behavior and teach her so she can become a great adult one day. It's already gotten a little better. She still has her moments and sometimes an entire day where she's not nice. But we'll keep working with her on it so she improves. I am so impressed with my Boyfriend, he is so good with her. He's taken on the parent role on his own and he seems to thrive doing it. He loves her and he really wants to be a part of her life in that way. That speaks volumes about him. I'm so thankful that he wants that!
He and I have been working on building our vanilla relationship as well as our BDSM relationship. It's been a challenge for both but we love each other deeply and we are committed to each other. We've been building our "toy box" and a set of new items arrived yesterday. I was *SO* excited! We tried some of them out last night. Last night was very much a night of submission for me and Domination for him. We've been trying out using a collar on me for play and I requested to wear it to bed and have wanted it on more and more. Our set came with a new collar that matched it, so he put it on me, as well as the matching wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs that attached with a chain. I serviced him while having my ankles or wrists restrained during the night. It was a huge step for me because serious submission and service like that have been challenges for me. The stubborn control freak feminist was like "Oh hell no!" but that's not what my soul says. I wanted to make him happy and hear how much he loved what I did and how much he loved me. Doing that for him was so important because it showed him I can be selfless and serving to him. We even watched TV with me in my restraints. I feel like I got a full night of understanding what a 24/7 Dom/sub relationship is like. It was very good for both of us.
We played around with the cat o' nine tails we got in as well. It stings! But it's not the most painful implement we have. The coat hanger tool I made HURTS. And it makes almost no sound. I swear, everything I pick out or make is SUPER painful.... Hahaha poor me! Sex last night was him asserting his authority in a major way. I guess the best way to describe it would be that I got reamed. Not even kidding. I wore my collar and the cuffs through it all. We had a great night though! I think it's very important for him to be in charge and feel that way. I've been feeling for a while that I took that away from him for the 2 weeks after our major fight. It's not fair to him. That is who he is and that is what I agreed to by being a sub. I really wanted to give him that back. I love him and I want him to feel like he is in charge, and that I respect his authority and respect him.
Back to the collar, I'm sure some people will have an issue with it. In our community, it's very commonplace though. And formal collaring means more than marriage, it's that deep of a commitment. There are levels of collars though. Play collars are used during play sessions between two people and/or during sex, but don't have deep meaning. Then there are collars of consideration and training collars, for me I think they both mesh together into the same thing but some people do them separately or skip one of them. They are more like pre-engagement and engagement rings. So you aren't fully committed to the person but you are on your way to that. A formal collar, also called a slave collar and a collar of ownership, are equal to a wedding ring. They are given when a couple is committing to each other permanently. They have a much deeper meaning than a typical wedding ring and marriage because with a collar you are truly giving your heart, mind, body, soul, and all of you to the person collaring you. You are trusting them with your life. It is a HUGE deal and isn't taken into lightly.
So the Boyfriend and I are obviously not at the formal collar yet. One day we will be though. It's so funny because I was so against them a few months ago. For him I'd do anything though. We started off with a simple collar for play and I wanted to see if I could sleep with it on all night. Well I noticed a sad feeling when he took it off the next morning. I wanted it on more but didn't know how to ask until last weekend. I told him I wanted it on all the time and we sat down and talked about it. We entered into the collar of consideration/training collar phase. We looked up the meanings of the different levels of collaring online, discussed it all, and talked about how to go about doing it. I want it on 24/7 but obviously with work I can't be walking around with an obvious collar. So we decided to get simple choker necklaces for during the day as a daytime collar and at home it's the regular collar. We are still working out all the logistics as we don't live together, but see each other 4 days a week. It's very important to both of us. It has very deep meaning to him and seeing me in a collar turns him on. For me it has deep meaning as well, and it really brings my submission into focus. I feel very different when I wear it. It's a different level of love, commitment, and submission. I love having it on though and I miss it incredibly when he takes it off! I hope the chokers arrive soon because for now I'm wearing a tight shell choker that's pretty thin. I wear it 24/7 when I'm not with him and during the day.
I'm always going to be open and honest about my lifestyle because I want people to see it's perfectly normal and completely healthy. We live one way, other people may live another, and others even another. No way is right or wrong. They are all just different. We do what works for us and what makes us happy. I am always an informed and willing participant in everything we do. I love him and he loves me. We do things out of love for each other. And I am happy to answer any questions anyone has about any of the things I write! I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability or direct you to better info if I can't give it. Being able to ask questions is super important! And I love talking about my lifestyle and why it's so important to me.
⊱ ღ Belle Ivy Rose ⊰
Life is pain. Embrace it. Live it. Feel the thrill of falling and the security of rising. Make the most of every moment. Live and love like you'll never let it go. ♥ ~Me
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