I have been sitting here, realizing that I have been running from the things I want to say. I feel numb ( not a good way ) and hopeless, and keep hearing how terrible and rotten I am. Used up, worthless, etc. I have these physical issues that frankly, most humans could and would never be able to handle. I mean if you felt something un winding around your mid section, like a snake, I think you'd freak out too. Best part? Caught it on internal ultrasound. Looks like a snake. Everyones dumbfounded but no one wants to do anything about it. My parents just think I have worms and are scared to come near me and have made my son the same. I feel like a contagious virus. I get no real love from my family, they are cold and heartless - ish most of the time. I gave them my food stamps because I live here and am too ill and tormented to work right now. Therefore I have nothing. No money at all. Not even a dollar. Because I had to pay my father back. AND. That means I cannot get the things that keep me going like my black walnut wormwood, cigarettes ( yes, they help my brain right now, you just dont understand ) and certain herbs and foods that I need as well as fresh lemons etc. Its a mess. I am sorry to complain but today? Today damnit I dont care. I miss Pattie like crazy. ( My best friend and twin flame who was on her way to bring me smokes a year ago riding her bike and was hit by the car. Her evil family took her away and is now stopping her from talking to me against both of our wills. Aint it great? ) We lived together for 2 and a half years and I love her more than I love myself. I am sooo.......Destroyed in some ways and cant breathe, and nothing helps, and I cant stand it anymore. I could write for a week if I got going so I will stop now. I want to cry and scream. Again. I just wish somebody would love me enough to give me a real hug. Fuck. Morgellons. AND whatever powers that be who are doing this to me / us Take your damn implants, and your snakes, and your gangstalkers, and your people that you pay to make our lives hell, and your bugs, and your worms, and your lies and fear and GET OUT OF OUR LIVES. I have HAD ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a good day. |
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