I am having a hard time right now. I think people have a misconception of me based on the fact that I am not constantly telling everyone what this illness is doing to me. Y'all have read my articles and ' poetry ' from a few years ago and even a year ago, but no one cept maybe 2 people knows whats really going on with me, and those people have tried like hell to help me. I am living in a perpetual hell since 2015 when I first got sick with what they are labelling ' Morgellons ' AND Lyme AND a very growing parasitic infection, okay. ( Those who know the truth will comprehend what I am saying there ) Anyways, this has caused massive damage to both bones and muscle and nerves in my body, unfortunately affecting my spine all the way to the very top of my head, ears, lymphs, tissue, down to the very cells and organs in my body. I some days feel my body weight is going to be too much for my head, which is why I have lost as much weight as I have, and I still need to lose more yet. My neck is bitten to heck, and I have scars all over my chest and various other parts of my body from this crap. I am sick and tired of praying every day that my neck will not snap, or my heart won't give out, or my brain won't fall outta my head. Literally. You have no idea till you experience this. My ribs have been crushed to the breaking point several times, my back feels like a hot iron is on it, burning me almost constantly especially at night. My hands and chest are red as beets and burn. I have some kind of acid that feels almost boiling at times, its sickening. I have had green bile like substance come out OF MY STOMACH, for no good reason. I have a deviated septum from this shit burrowing up and into my brain. I have head DENTS all over, fractures of my skull. Had 2 heart attacks and mini strokes, all of this is documented by the way. My chest is constantly being attacked and back of my neck and head, and its just becoming too much for me. Their damn medicines didnt work and I daresay almost killed me and then the natural remedies stir this shit up to the point of crawling around on the floor screaming and begging for death only to be like JESUS I DIDNT MEAN THAT I DONT WANNA DIE. Its the most painful, mind numbingly terrifying TORTURE on the face of this planet, and you will NEVER be able to make up for how shitty some of you have made me feel for being ill. DOCTORS ARE COMMITING SUICIDE NOW BECAUSE THEY SEE WE WERE TELLING THE TRUTH. They couldnt handle the guilt of making us as a whole feel like they did. Do your damn research before you call someone nuts okay? EDUCATE yourself. Hmm what did they used to say on the L word? Oh right. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. And yes I have made a whole lot of mistakes in my life, but I am forgiven by God, so who are you to hold a grudge? I have tried to love, tried to be a light, and the few times I had really good people in my life, I mucked it up because I was foolish. I am not foolish now. And no one deserves what we are going through. No one...Not even you. <3
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