Deeper into the darkness My night is finally coming to

04/22/2009

Here's my piece of shit that I wrote for to-day...
'Vortex'...

'Lies, Promises, Twisted love, broken in an instant...
Shattered pieces of imagined trust, laying in my hands...
Thoughts of suicide prevail against the darkness etched in-to my heart...

Hazy vortex, spinning, loud, growing thicker with each thought from dark, troubled thoughts, swiriling throught my mind...
It comes nearer, and, I be-gin to feel the magnetic force, as, it pills relentlessly at my soul...

I cling desperately to the love...The one thing that I have left...

In that one moment, my mind seems to be in slow motion, as I look pleadingly at that last breath of hope.
As time remails suspended, I see the soft, contours of the one face that I love, and, trust, turn black with an un-imaginable hate...

It then breaks in-to a thousand pieces, as that last breath is forced from my aching lungs...

And, my fingers pain-fully let go of life...

The darkness...The pain...The vortex...Wins...'

~!!~Trisha~!!~...... ...




All I Wanted was a chance...To make things right...
All you wanted...Was the chance...To kill me inside...
All I wanted...Was to hold your hand...
All you wanted...Was to take me down...
All I wanted...Was to dream the dream that is connected to your heart...
All you wanted...Was to rip mine out...
All I wanted...Was to hear a word of love from your lips...All you wanted...Was to speak harshly to me...
All I wanted...Was to look at you, so that my eyes would light up, again...All you wanted...was to make me cry...
What happened to us?
Why did you betray me?
Why?



I Just Now, like, 5 minutes, ago, if that, wrote this a-bout some-one that I was in love with, be-fore...
Opinions? It may need some other things...A-lot COULD be added to it...

I'm glad I told you.
I'm glad I felt you.
How could you betray me?
Is this what you wanted?
I am not the same.
I'm just a girl.
You threw me away...
I loved you, more than my own life.
Now, I bleed for you.
When you are with those igits you call friends.
When you see the moon, bright, like my eyes, when I lookd at you.
When you see the sun-rise, or sun-set.
When you feel the balmy breeze, gently, caressing your face .
Remember You could have had me.
Remember that I loved you.
Remember me.

Eh, it needs more...... ...



If I Do not wake tomorrow, will you still remember that I loved you?
If my eye-lids never open, to see the sun rise...Will you still remember them gently fluttering against your face?
If my lips lie cold, in the morning air, will you still remember the way they caressed your skin?
If my hands, never lift agin to life...Will you still remember the way I held you, and, never wanted to let you go?
Or will your memory, fade me in-to nothingness, as the morning mist melts, finally succumbing to the heat of the rising sun?
As I lie here, ready for death, my last breath is a plea, masked as a question...Please...
Will you remember me?...


One drop falls, a-gain...Red, and, wet as the last, but, each one, darker, than the last...
My tears, falling, un-willed...
I am out of control, as the demons, en-velop my mind...
Drunk on my own blood, my hand moves faster...
Over, and, over, and, over, it cuts...Deeper...Faster...
I feel no pain...
This time I will not stop...
I slowly lift my tear filled-eyes, and, they are refletcted in yours. They are as the ocean...EmptiLESS...Never-Ending...Full...
The lonliness over-takes me, as I continue my quest for no pain...
As the torture finally sib-sides, the pain returns, worse than be-fore...
As my breath escapes me, for the last time, the pain...Finally, leaves me for-ever, as it slips from my wrist...
I am free...



Ok, here's the first one...
Dripping...

Mangled Flesh, inferior, end-lessly falling, in-to fore-ver...

Mask, replaced by mask, new layers built on...

Hours ticking by, as decades...Sitting alone in the agony, of my mind...

Brooding, like the ocean, after light...Darkness envelopes me, as the silent murky, waters sweep over my head, illuminating the moon, across my tear stained face, as I wait for you...

I'm falling...Desperation is fulfilled, as the waves of pain orgasm intensly, over me...I am in excstacy...

As the tears slip down my face...My mind releases...I have let go...I finally let you slip through my fingers, like the softest rose petals...

I love you still...Even as I walk past you with-ought a word...Pretending that I am over you...

You have won...I am crushed...
Bruised...
Forsaken...

And, now...It's over...

I am un-done...

I have fallen...


Ok...Here is the song...Do you think that any-one would be interested in music for it? For any-one that has read any of my stuff, do I have any hope for a singing, song-writing, traveling career? LOL...I really am serious...

'True Colors'...

Now, I see your face again...

(((So clearly)))...

Vs. 1...

I thought that I silenced the memory of what we used to be...
But, now I wake from my dream, and, see that you never really could have cared a-bout me...Be-cause your...

***Chorus***...

True colors, so decieving...
Shining so brightly now...
I look at you...
You have won...
Even in all that you've done to me, baby...
I still find that love for you some-how...

---(((in-side me)))...

Vs. 2...

What is this you've done?

(((I'm alone)))...

Left me with a mess created by you...
I'm crying here...Reaching out to you...
As you turned and, walked away...

Your back to me...
Your walking...

I stare in wonder as I finally see your...

*Chorus*...

What do you all think?...Give opinions on both, please...... ...



Bring Me Around.
IN slow motion...

This time I lost it...I can't take it anymore...

It's too late.

Wake me when it's over...Take a good look at me, darling...

Forgive me for losing you...

I can't go on living in this crystaline world made up of perfection and glammar...

I just don't fit...

So go on and betray me...Leave me...

I loved you so much...

I'm just too lost now, withought you, so don't even try...

My mask fell off one too many times...

Now, I don't even care...

I know the truth about me... I used to want to see myself through your world. But, I see all too clearly now...

And, so I am vanishing withgouhgt a trace...





This pain is killing me....


Second...

By ...

Second...

Now the clock is winding down, ready for the strike to end all time...

All I can say is I'm sorry...I needed your love...

I needed your strength...

I needed you...

But, now it's too late...

The chime has sounded...

They are upon me once more...I must heed their call, and speed to my own demise...


Pounding
Breaking
Screaming
Haunting
Bleeding
Numbness
Burning
Release
The order of my life
The beginning of my life

The

End

Begins

Now...



I prayed so hard for this to stop

I begged

I pleaded

I screamed

But, all to no avail...

The God that I thought loved me...

Has finally forsaken me...

Leaving me here...

D
Y
I
N
G...

He doesn't care if I bleed to death, inside...

I'm alone...

I've lost every-thing...

Leave me...

Save your breath...

I don't believe in any-thing, any-more...






I Love Ya, dude...*HuGgLeS*...~!!~Trish~!!~...... ...

He slowly wakes up...
Facing another day...
Turning to the world, with a smile...
Inside fighting a battle just to survive, each second...

The world, A bitter-sweet reminder, of love lost, that cuts...Sharper than the knife that tears his skin...
Tears fall, un-wanted, ever as he wants to end it all..
The pain be-comes too much...

The second it takes him to decide to live, is one second that is needed to give him reason for an-other...
The people in his life, hurting him...
Thinking he's not worth it...

He doesn't realize how others see him...
He looks in-to the mirror, and, sees himself...Completley different...
But, I peer over his shoulder, and, see...
A man, looking back...
One who is strong enough to last these years, and, not give up...
One who can hold on...
One who is worth it...
I'm just glad to be...
A friend...



I Stare In-to the water...
It's balmy depth spring up to shimmer over me...
You used to be like that water...

Strong enough to keep me alive, and, yet, deep enough to kill me...

And, now...As I gaze in-to your eyes...
I see what you wanted to hide, all a-long...
All of your fears, in desperation, you cling to them...

Memories surface, as the air bubbles on the crystal water...

I see you...The way that it used to be...Now, it's changed...

I stare in-to the night sky...
It's black wonder, blanched by the lacy stars, bathing me in light...

You were always like that sky...
Sparkling, bright enough to let me know that you loved me...Yet, dark, and, mysterious enough to keep me wondering...

And, now, as I take your hand in mine, I see what has happened to you...

All of your hopes, with abandon, you have forsaken them...

And, I...Am left here, as you silently slip away...

As I look you in the eyes...I sink in-to them, as a mirage, begging you not to leave me...

As mutual tears fill our eyes, you slowly, release...And, let my hand fall to my side...

Backing away, slowly, you brush your lips a-gainst mine, soft as rose petals...

As you look lovingly at me, I blink, and, as my eyes open, you are gone...Dissapearing in-to the mist...Swollowed up in the dark, sky...Drowned in the crystal water...

How my heart aches to be with you...

As a candle flickers, and, goes out...So did a part of my soul...Go out, and, die...

But, it won't be long un-till I see your face, a-gain, my love...My darling...

It comes for me, as well...


Eeeks, I seriously am gonna cry, now...... ...



I'm Not alive inside anymore...
Come take this pain from me...
Let it flow like a rive down your arms...
Open up your eyes and see...
All the times I tried to tell you...
This is all that you have left of me...

Don't turn your back on me...
Face me and see my eyes...
Look upon what you've done...

My arms will bleed because of you...
My eyes will glisten with these tears...
My lips curse your very life...

Don't look at me...
What I've become...
Yes, it remains your doing...

But, I want to make a difference...
Even in this moment...

The red is getting thicker now...
I'm almost there...
God don't let this stop...
Set me free...

I love you...

My heart will stop tonight...




This Is The first thing that I have written in months, and, it completley shows what I am and have been feeling...In my own way...
'My World'...

Under-neath my silent expressionless face there is a world filled with dark shadows and misty forebodings...

A place, isolated and full of dark magic, twisted to disquise my unrequited pain...

These longings of mine enthrone my shattered existance, as the ashy vapor of smoke covers my soul, damp, dark, cold...

Shivers creep through my back, following a shallow, yet oh so deep trail down my out-stretched arms in-to my waiting and expectant fingers...

My closed eyes open and lock onto you in a demon like death-vise. Trying desperately to avert your eyes, you find yourself somehow irresistably drawn to me...

Wisps of mist flow from my finger-tips slowly towards you. My eyes still remain locked straight ahead, my dark hair, flowing, long and free, billowing out to frame my ghostly features...

Shadows in ghostlike form swarm, vine-like, around my being...
As you look at me, I change before your eyes, just for a split second. Only a fraction of a moment you can see the blood...

My eyes are red with it...Flowing from them down my cheeks...Down my neck...Down my naked form...You see the fire, the knife, you hear the screams...

But, a second late it is gone; as a whisper...
Your vision clears and you see me as I was but a moment ago...

My eyes flicker for a moment, only to be locked back in place by an unseen force...

A morbid longing comes over you to touch me...Feel me...My eyes like daggers seem to warn you not to cross the line you now stand on, or there will be no turning back...

Hesitantly you reach towards me...Tentatively brushing your fingertips lightly across my skin...In that second the flames begin to come...Scorching, burning, destroying you...Screaming, you suddenly dissapear, swiftly as you came...

My burning endless eyes, longing for release, never to free me...The chills once again ravage my being...The blood flows like water...Finally it stops...All is still...

My hands drop to my sides. All seems to be finished.

But, to those who really understand this world...My world...It is they who know the truth...It never stops...This morbidly enchanting place remains in bondage to our souls...For eternity...

And, my eyes...Burning, lustful, passionate, tortured, are forever frozen, locked onto you...Probing into your very soul...

If you can't feel it, only look into my eyes...Deeper...Deeper...

The chill begins...



Can you hear me?
That's all I want to know. Even if my voice can no longer carry to your heart. At least you know that I'm always by your side.
Conjur up days of old.
Spring lively you oaks of Tiliptei.
For the fawning one has finally laid to rest.

Say a prayer...
Breathe your name...
Remember my taste in a rose...
Forget not what has gone before you...
For if you let it go...
Only you will hold the key to what you have left behind.

Angels sing the chorus as orchids dance in the winds of time. Lonley, long lost forgotten time. Wind, blowing the time away as the sand runs faster.

How my soul longs for the past...

Never ceasing to call your name as I stand on a cliff under the dark sky and full white moon. My black hair streaming behind me, my tears flowing with the wind...Hearing the lone wolf, howling under the sea of light. Bathing in pools of silky clear water...How I long to be one with you again...... ...

-------



Little child that I was
Comforted by love and warmth
How could I have known
The world could be so cold?
Staring out my window, now
The raindrops falling softly on the world
My own tears well up and spring free

Nieve teen that I was
Why didn't someone tell me
Life would take so much from me?

Walking past your grave, now
Crying for the loss of you
Did I imagine your hand in the wind, brushing against my cheek?

Why did you leave me here alone?
To fend for and protect myself
In a world empty and cold withought you
By my side

Take a good look at me now
See what I have become?
Don't feel sorry for me
I only made this for myself

Shaking with cold and fear
What will become of me, now?
Winter's chill lasts so long
It's frozen my bones

Reaching for my razor
I once again make a cut
A small stream begines to flow
Boldly and sadly from my veins

Maybe with this last time
I can fly away to you, now
We can laugh and talk again
I can hold you close to me

Please let me come to you
With this blade, set me free

I love you
Please don't leave me here alone
I cannot survive withought you

I'm falling now

Deeper into the darkness

My night is finally coming to an end