FLASHBACK: The last time I ran out of my meds was because they forced me, in Michigan and I was stuck at that house, and the only thing that helped was alcohol, whiskey to be exact, and I had to hide the amount I was drinking just to be okay to calm down. I was held hostage like stolkholm syndrome really because every day i was with her driving past the hospital and yet i didnt have my medicine so didnt have ANY guts without it and i didnt just jump out and get my ass into the hospital and get them to give me my meds. every day i smiled back at her when i really wanted to smash her and all their faces in cept for the kids of course. and they used them againt me cuz those 2 little girls loved me and would come and both be in my lap when the mother went ape shit which was always and screamed and hollered and id rock them abck and forth, hiding my own trauma that was happening, hiding the whiskey in the closet, begging God to forgive me for going there in the first place. they wouldnt take me back to her moms, they took me to the middle of nowhere and said they werent keepoing me which was technically true but it was miles and miles and miles in middle of nowhere, after promising me they wouldnt keep me againt my will and woudl take me back if i wanted to go back. but when i asked to go back, nope. so i went out to work with her every day she was a door dash person and every day i should have jumped outta the car but i was in full time withdrawal from the lyrica. oh my god.
I have spoken privately to some people about all of this but havent really said anything publicly till now. Earlier this year I was psychologically manipulated and tortured and I finally see it. Telling someone God said to do such and such but making the person believe its their choice, telling them HEY YOU HAVE FREE WILL BUT IF YOU DONT DO THIS THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE WRATH OF GOD AND THE CONSEQUENCES FROM HIM. I lived for MONTHS under this kinda programming and had no medication and no outside contact that could actually help me. I was stuck ina place I could not get away from and tho was not technically held hostage its the same damn thing. Constant pressure to follow the ' Lord ' and God help ya if you dont do what He says. Wrath and anger and brimstone is NOT THE GOD I KNOW. Nor would I want to. Stockholm syndrome kicked in at one point because I was taken ina vehicle every day ina city but without my one medication I was a scared little mouse and unable to think clearly or make decisions AT ALL. The day I was told I would not be taken to the hospital because ' THE LORD ' didnt say to, was the last straw, I knew Ihad to get help. And I did. And the two people who came and rescued me will probably read this and I wont name drop but I have tears in my eyes as I say thanks. I think I would have died in that house if you had not come. And these people say all kindsa things about me, but two wrongs dont make a right and I seriously am grateful to not be there today. Thank you God.
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