I'm in oh so very much trouble right now. I was convicted of my third felony and I am supposed to go home and even tho Ruby decided to fight me for custody of my son, I have decided that I would just go home and at least be able to be with him.
And then she called me today and told me that I can't come home. Do you wanna know why? Because 'You never call me, you can't stand to even talk to me, you don't really wanna be here.' My response: 'Who would? I want to be there because of my son. You can't keep me away from my flesh and blood.' Her: I don't want you coming back here. And then she basically proceeded to hang up on me.
And convienently enough, I can't get ahold of my dad right now. And even if I could, it'd only cause massive fighting amongst my parents, which unfortunately my son would have to see. AGAIN BECAUSE OF ME.
I have fines in three states to pay this month, and I don't have the money to pay any of them at all right now.
Liz told me that if I have nowhere to go, then I will go to jail instead.
I have..Nothing left. No hope. Not even a small amount of hope at all.
I have endured Loraine's husbands emotional and sexual abuse and manipulation for a little over 8 years and had nobody do anything and once again he wins. If he hadn't done that shit to me, then my fear would have been unfounded and this never would be happening to me right now. But nobody cared enough then and they don't now either. And if I didn't care so much about her, then I'd have put his ass in jail where HE belongs. Not ME. And then last night she said to me 'do you know what it's cost me to love you the way that I do?' YEAH I DO BECAUSE ITS COST ME A LOT MORE. I'm not even angry really anymore. I'm just empty and hopeless and done and its all over now.
I have lost the love of my life in Kris, and then this new girl Tina apparently hates me for some reason that I still would at least have liked to know what was going on with her.
No answers.
No home.
No hope.
No love.
No life.
Nothing.
This is the end.
And I'm not afraid. Not this time. |
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