Something changed when Svetlana left me. I've gone through so much in my short life. So much heavy pain. I tried to see myself differently. I watched her walk away and I broke apart for the last time. I have tried so hard to be okay but its not happening and it never will.
I'm withought her. And, I feel so strange. This life..It's taking a toll on me that I can't afford to pay.
I'll never be saved because I'm not..Breathing already.
Haven't for years. Maybe I never did. Who knows really. Not me. That's for sure.
I tried to make my life into something worth loving someone worth being with. I'm not alive inside anymore. Maybe it's time to let the outside match the inside.
What is inside be outward forever and on.
She used me. She created a picture and a person in her head that apparently wasn't me because if it was..If I was really her soul, her air. She couldn't have left me like this..Not forever.
I wasn't meant to be. I wasn't meant for this Earth. I wasn't meant to be born. I'm a mistake. I'm just a waste of air. I'm just a parasite on this already infected Earth. You can talk all that you want to but it will never reach me anymore. There was only one thing that I lived for..Love. And, that dream has vanished because I see the truth. You can say that you love me but you don't know..You'll never know..I'm dead.
There is no Trish. There is nothing but..Broken pieces that can neve be picked up or put back together again. And, you try and touch what's left of me and those pieces of glass that are me..Will cut you..And, then you will bleed forever just like me..
So stay away from me while you still can. While you still have time, run for your life.
I'm only going to hurt you.
Becuase that's what happened right? She got angry..I hurt her because she hurt me. Devastated me to the breaking point when I was already being held together by a single thread. That thread is breaking..It's stretched too thin already and when it snaps..You need to understand that..I want you to rememeber me as the person who loved..That's all that I want to be remembered for. I loved until the end.
I'm nothing now. I'm only waiting for the last trigger that will snap the thin cord that has held my life togther for so long now.
When you make a quilt, over the years it will tear and you can patch it up only so many times until it just can't be patched anymore. And, that's what I've done. Trying to find a reason to go on..Patching my bleeding heart. My aching soul. It cuts too deep this time to the point where..YOu cannot save me so don't bother trying anymore.
Just leave me be. Let me rest in Peace. If that's possible..
Tormented in life..Tormented in death..Yes, that would seem to fit now wouldn't it.
They say that time heals all wounds. They are very wrong. Time will kill.
And..My heart was weak and hoping..I've lost all that meant the most to me. I've lost my soul to my own fears. I've lost my heart..The gentle, loving, caring, nurturing girl who had dreams and the hope of a child with innocence..Gone like mist in the dead of night.
Nothing can save me now. I'm not even a shell of myself anymore.
Everything is forever gone. I'm beyond dying. I'm in the grave. Waiting..
And..She left..She just left..Walked away, doesn't care if I live or die.
Train wreck city. But she was my lovely Crazy Angel.
Let me die in peace. Just talk to me. Once..Oh god.
And, now my soul will be taken from me..No..Rather I give it up in one last final attempt to get back the one thing that kept me alive..This love I've lost. This..Aching void has no other purpose than to kill me and up until now I've fought like the devil to keep myself from giving in.
I HAVE NOTHING LEFT.
No reason.
No love.
I'm dead. And every day this cuts me deeper.
Goodbye to everything that I thought That I knew.
It's over.
I'm over.
Let me rest in peace. ♥ |
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