You know what I want? I want to go camping again, and have a campfire, and roast marshmellows, and make mountain pies ( most of you wont know what those are haha ) But can't you remember it? The feeling of sitting in lawn chairs in front of the fire, the smell of the burning wood, and the pine trees, and the fresh cut grass, even and, as the twilight came upon you, and it wasn't quite dark, and the fireflies started to come out and make little earth stars all over the place? Maybe you are like me, and went running around in the grass in bare feet, trying to catch them, and laughing, and then when you did catch one, you wanted to be careful not to squash it, so you would open your hand like you were cupping water, right? And you'd see it sitting there in the middle of your hand, and it would light up your hand, and for just a split second everything around you faded away, and as your face was bathed in the halo, it was a little secret all your own? Then you would throw your hands up in the air and let it fly away into eternity. <3
I also miss the beach. I miss the feeling of the coarse yet soft sand under my feet, and the weight of it was tiring at times, but the waves called my name, every time. I was the brave one, because see I wore glasses, and I couldn't see and you can bet your boots that I wasn't going out in the middle of the ocean with out them, but I LOVE THE WATER so I decided so be it, and I went out WITH my glasses on haha. I would go way out beyond where the waves crested, and if you JUMPED real high just at the right time? You could avoid being taken in with the tide and it went right under you and you got to watch the wave crash from the OPPOSITE side like from behind? Oh it was a glorious sight. ( Dont worry, I did get taken down a few times to be sure  but I got right back up and out there again! Because thats the real me. The real spirit in side of me. The everlasting me. ) Oh its like being a little chidl again, collecting sea shells, and finding the pretty purple ones that remind you of crystals?! Oh man. I never really wanted to build a sand castle to be honest. I wanted to run and be in the water and be freeeeeee. I loved so much. I opened my heart to all. I felt everything. Everyone. All their...Pain. Their hurt. Their torment. I didnt know about guiarding my heart, blocking my heart, and I felt all of the pain of everyone I ever met PLUS MY OWN TRAUMA AND PAIN...I felt them all from all I ever met. I TOOK all their pain. Do you understand me? Spirit. No wonder I said I bleed forever. I just wanna be the little beach girl again wild blond hair flying in the wind, sun on my face, blue skies and not even scared of sharks or jellyfish. Not even now. <3 |
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