She's..My Everything.

03/25/2011

I have messed up oh so very badly in the past month. I got the one thing that I wanted..My dream girl. And because I was drunk all of the time, (I was very distraught over some personal things going on in my life, as well as the fact that seeing me always had to be a secret from her ex girlfriend who she still loves and wants to be with) she finally decided that she doesn't want me in her life anymore. We've been going out off and on for like 6 months. We both fell in love desperately and wonderfully. I..Am not a homebody type of a person, I like to party, I like to drink and yeah..Drink and party. She called me her real life fairy tale..Said that she was tired of chasing after the one in her head..And..She's my once in a lifetime. Once in a lifetime you will find that one person that changed absolutely everything about you. Shakes your world up. And..She's..The first person in my whole entire life that I could see us together and still in love when we are old and gray. I can see myself cooking her an amazing elaborate dinner every night after work, coming home to a nice house and kissing me, making out in the kitchen, pretending that that we have to eat before it gets cold, complete with small talk, and little touches and glances all throughout. Watching movies. Cuddling in front of a fireplace with scented candles and wine, entwining our arms to drink from each others glasses. Exploring each others bodies, having each other, taking, giving, making love..Our love..Memorizing each other so that when we're apart, our hearts will have that imprint of each other burned into our souls. To..Love each other..With a fire that absolutely cannot be quenched or put out..I can see us..Happy..Without fear of being found out..Just..The day to day life of being hers..And her being mine..I've never been able to look into someone's eyes before and have them look back with the same curiosity and longing..And love and passion that I've had to give. We can look at each other and everything else fades away for me. Like a scene in a movie where the music rises up really loud..The intensity of her and I..Have never felt this way about anyone before. I'll write more later..But this is my once in a lifetime. And I refuse to believe that I've screwed it up so badly that she'll never talk to me again. She's..My everything. If I only knew that all was not lost..