No one can understand what it is like to be trapped inside your own skin. Pores clogged with the filth of the damned. My flesh is my coffin, and they are throwing the first dirt. I am still alive, how can this be? I walk and do not smell the fresh air like you do, my skin does not open and allow the rays of the sun to be a friend, instead a callous enemy, the weather. Boring into my flesh from inside, they take and turn and twist and puff out the very vessel that God gave me to use for His glory. But where is Jesus when I am alone in the dark with the monsters destroying me from within? Where is God when they bite and devour and there is nothing you can do to make it stop? Whisper to yourself that you are insane, wishing to be crazy instead of this being reality. Whisper the words over and over till they are true. Breathing slowing, heart pumping, fast, yet slow at the same time. Electric bomb, crystalline prison. This is my life. I dont want to be trapped anymore. I want out. Out of this nightmare that has become my home. I want to smell the air again, to feel a breeze, to feel the earth beneath my fingers. I cant feel. I am trapped. Forever alone in this darkness that is my reality. My life was not perfect. But I just want it back. |
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