stupid insecurities. | 08/03/2013 |
meh.
I feel like I have a lot to say but I don't even know where to begin. My car place hasn't called me all week, so I'm guessing that means my new Honda is a done deal. Woohoo! I'm super happy about that. I had my presentation on Wednesday for work; it went pretty good. I left my house around 9:30 since it was in Newport Beach, but the presentation wasn't until 12 and I didn't think I'd get there sooo early. I got there around 10 am so I went to Starbucks and just practiced with flash cards in the car. The easiest way to explain what the presentation is for is to just say that it's a life insurance brokerage who is one of our clients, and they wanted to do a "Lunch and Learn" to understand processing and ordering. So the presentation was basically about what they can do to help make it easier for us to retrieve medical records for their clients, why facilities can take so long to provide records, etc. There were a few questions from the attendees but overall I think I handled it pretty well. They seemed satisfied -shrug- I also got paid for 8 hours when I really only "worked" for one, so I went to the gym and washed my car afterwards. I have another presentation on Tuesday, but this time it's in front of like 30+ people instead of 10, and some of the audience are not our clients. I also have to attend the dinner event that is happening later on Tuesday night to "mingle"  I really don't get paid enough to do things like this but oh well.
I started work at PetSmart today. I was surprised she gave me 5 dogs for a 4 hour shift but only 3 showed up. It was weird trying to get back in the swing of things, it definitely took a lot out of me physically. I went to the gym afterwards and my body is killing me right now! I'm working there 10-6 tomorrow and I saw that I had 10 or 11 dogs for appointments  Hopefully I get some good tips. It's going to be a longggg day tomorrow.
stupid.
On Wednesday Anthony and I were supposed to see each other and he texted me after my presentation and said "So tonight or tomorrow I kind of just want to relax and work on your tattoo (he draws so he's sketching some stuff to add to one of my tattoos), so you can choose which night to hate me  " It kinda threw me off. I'm most likely not going to see him tomorrow, definitely not seeing him Monday or Tuesday, and it just felt like it was rude the way he said that. It made me feel like he didn't want to see me so I just told him "We don't have to see each other tonight." And he goes "K. I'll take you out to the movies tomorrow night  " But at that point I was irritated so I just said we didn't have to see each other either night. Then he asked if I was sure and I said yes, and he told me he'd take me out on Saturday night. I just said "K." I stopped responding to him after that because I was butthurt. I think I was overreacting but what had me irritated the most was that on Tuesday night, I wasn't even going to go to his hockey game because I wanted to practice for my presentation but I ended up going to it anyway to surprise him and make him happy. And then he tells me to choose which night not to see him and it was just like "Um..ok?" Anyway so he texted me later and says "Hey! What are you doing?" And I told him I was going out for drinks and he was like "Oh...nevermind then. Was gonna see if you wanted to hang out but I guess you already made plans." It started a little mini argument about him not wanting to see me and he said I missed the point of him wanting a night to himself. (I'm guessing it was so he could work on my tattoo sketch for me). We stopped texting and then he texted me around midnight and said "Night babe...I hope you had a good night." He texted me again on Thursday morning and told me to have a good day at work, and then he said to let him know if I wanted to see him because he really wanted to see me even if it was just for an hour.
I felt bad, and I ended up seeing him. I definitely think I was overreacting but I guess it was our first little "tiff" we've had if that's what you want to call it haha. We hung out Thursday night and then I went and watched his hockey game last night. I feel like such an idiot though - I tried to look at his phone when he was showering at my house after his game. I know, I know...totally wrong and uncalled for. It's not that I don't trust him, actually it has nothing to do with him. He has done nothing to make me thing that he would do anything to hurt me or betray me, but I just had a moment of doubt because of my own insecurities. Anyway, he has a pattern to unlock his phone and I've watched him do it so many times that I thought I would get it...but I failed, haha. I didn't think he'd know and then after he got out of the shower he looked at his phone and then hugged me from behind and was like "You think you're sooo sneaky don't ya?" And I was like "What?" And he goes "My phone..."
I felt like an idiot! It was so embarrassing. We went and got dinner and he wasn't upset or anything, he just calmly asked me why I wanted to look at his phone and I didn't really respond to that. His picture for his lock screen is of me and he goes "Look at that hot girl I'm dating. You really need to meet her." And I was like "Maybe she thought you were talking to other hot girls?" And he just said "Nope." Then when we were laying in my bed later he was about to fall asleep and I just blurted out "I'm sorry for looking at your phone. I don't want you to think I'm a crazy girlfriend or that I don't trust you. I was just having a moment of doubt." He said it was fine and then fell asleep until he had to leave. On his way home he texted me and was like "I don't know what you said about my phone but I hope there's still trust between us. Olive juice." (We say olive juice as our way of saying I love you).
I texted him back and said "I said that I was sorry for looking at your phone and that it had nothing to do with you. It was just stupid insecurities and doubts that I had. I really hope this doesn't change your thinking about me." And he said "It doesn't. I have those same feelings sometimes so I know where you're coming from. I just choose to ignore them. Muah." I felt a lot better after he said that but I still felt embarrassed. I shouldn't have tried to look at his phone and I'm not going to again. I don't have any reason to not trust him. But yeah...we're going to the movies tonight and everything is fine between us, he's acting like nothing happened and is being really sweet. I just feel like a big asshole lol.
Meh, that's all for now. I'll leave you guys with some pictures, sorry for the rambling!
- this layout was made by simple layouts.
My brother gave me a Kings sticker to put on my new car  I love it!
Just some randoms of me.
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random: cute pics. =]
Thank you! 
Oh I get where you're coming from bb. J's in Indiana right now on vacation so he can see his kids and I trust him but my subconscious keeps giving me dreams of him cheating on me b/c his ex is there. >.< So I get it. Just quell the demons bb. 
Glad to hear your presentation went well. I'm not surprised! And you will do great with the next one too.