Attracted to someone who is HIV+

As much as I am a firm believer in the whole 'everyone deserves love' philosophy... I would really suggest walking away.

Is this something you'd want to risk getting? And then still having if you two were to split up? Do you want to risk being in the same position as he is?

And on a more serious note - is this something you'd ever want to risk passing on to any potential children you have?


As nice as this man sounds - obviously safe sex is not something he practiced with previous girlfriends, who's to say he won't slip up this time with you?

Jellyka

Your child has more of a risk of getting down syndrome than of getting HIV from a mother. There's less than .0002% if proper treatment is given during labor, let alone throughout the pregnancy. Being HIV+ is not a death sentence anymore.

happy someone's made this point, thank you.

I had my hiv scare that my ex had gotten it but I was very lucky when my test came out clean it makes me feel bad for those ppl cuz by law they have to admit it (here in my state at least of they know same for warts). Before having sex with someone,

Condoms has that 99.9 percent protective for aids and some others

Good luck I know u will have some decisions to make

Personally I wouldn't be able to handle it. I mean what ever you do is entirely up to you, I only speak of how I would feel in that situation. I mean yes, feelings would complicate it, but at the end of the day it's a big risk to be taking. It would be heartbreaking, but I just wouldn't be able to handle it.

There are barrier contraception methods for women, too, as well as men. Have you considered those?

I think it's harsh to just "walk away" from someone just because they have a disease (although yes I am aware that it is a very serious one that could have life-long implications for you).

That said, people can remain HIV+ for years and, provided they keep up their doctors appointments and keep taking their antiviral medications, they'll never progress to AIDS and will live almost as long as the average person.

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

Well said!

It seems you two need to sit down and have a serious one on one talk. It's obvious that you don't want to hurt his feelings but have fears of your own, but if you just walk away with out discussing those fears with him, I think you'll hurt him even more & he sounds like a good guy that doesn't deserve that. If after talking and expressing your fears and listening to what he has to say, it doesn't look like it's going to work then, yeah walk away. That way you both can go on to live your lives and find the person you're meant to be with.

♥Always♥

I have a friend who's got herpes simplex. Not exactly HIV but still something nasty that no one wants to get landed with. She's still able to have sex, her boyfriend of two years is herpes-free, no big dealio. Just talk to a doctor, preferably a gyno or something, someone who specializes in this shit. Ask them what the safest way to go about it is. And even then, always get a second opinion, there are ways to have sex with someone HIV positive and not get HIV yourself.

Is he on medication? Recent tests have shown that if an HIV positive person is on medication which is working, there is an extremely low risk of transmission. The risk of transmission usually is about 1 in 4000 so you can imagine how low it is.
Also, if the condom did break, there is something called PEP which involves you taking anti-viral drugs for a month. More here.

I would suggest walking away from this. You have to think long term. You risk your own health, plus, you couldnt have children together because of him having HIV.

You are completely incorrect on this. It's nearly impossible for your child to get HIV from the mother with medication.

love or not.. i'd be too afraid for my own life.
if something did break.. and u guys didnt work out.. then ur stuck with hiv & alone.. and you wouldnt be able to have kids.. i mean u could have kids but to pass it to them?
sorry but i wouldnt. but good luck

You are completely incorrect on this. It's nearly impossible for your child to get HIV from the mother with medication. Sorry to be repetitive, but people need to know this. the stigma around HIV is awful.

Also, please look up the transmission rate for HIV. It's astonishingly low.

Not only do you have to think about your own well being but think about the long term effects. Eventually he will get really sick. Are you prepared to take care of him? I don't think you should walk away just because he has HIV. If you are willing to be there for the bad times, and there will be bad times, sex isn't everything.

[Greta Garbage|0 likes] [|reply]

He doesn't HAVE to get very sick. Given that he takes his medications as he should, he has very great odds of never getting AIDS, and living a long, healthy (other than HIV+) life.

♥ -

thats true but not always the case. medications don't always work for everybody, either.

[Greta Garbage|0 likes] [|reply]

Medication stops working when it's not taken properly. This isn't 1979 anymore, having HIV is not a death sentence. You can die of natural causes when being positive.

Which is why there is more than one treatment regim for HIV positive people.en

The topic of medications in HIV is interesting... there are many, many medications and combinations of medications and they are discovering new ones all the time. When first diagnosed, a test is done to see which drugs the particular type of virus will best respond to. Often, it's a combination of drugs that is more effective than a single drug alone in keeping the viral load down.

The main issue in treating HIV isn't actually whether the medications work - they are generally very powerful and very effective and work on everyone (unless they have some rare metabolic thing that renders the drug inactive). The issue instead is people actually taking them as they're supposed to be taken. And this is understandable, as the drugs are quite potent and lead to some nasty side-effects, and so people would skip doses, stop taking them, etc. But the side-effects are a much lesser evil than the disease itself.

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

Like Betch said, talk to your doctors about it. There was a commercial playing last year or something about a medication that you can take to increase your chances. So, if you're falling for him--aim your landing right and be as safe as possible.

Hidden Depths

*increase your chances (of staying clean)

Hidden Depths

This is a very hard, very personal, decision to make . I do think that it is possible to maintain your relationship, even sexually with him, but you have to do so a.) very carefully, and b.) knowing that, no matter how hard you try, you just might end up being HIV+ too. There are many options to consider with contraceptives, and given 2+ methods, it might be worth it. I would talk to my doctor about it and see what the odds are and what contraceptives work best in combination (as someone else said, there are barrier contraceptives for women as well). It's a lot to take in, but if you think you could really love him, as in "the one", love him... then it would be worth checking in to, at the very least. Good luck!

♥ -

Being HIV+ isn't a death sentence, and if you're smart and take preventative antiretrovirals or just have safe sex, and monitor his viral loads, you're fine.

I liked that you replied to many of the comments on here that have incorrect statements about HIV. thanks for point out certain things. People need to really learn the truth about the disease and its contemporary situation.

Ditto.

Ditto.

Like!

♥ Don't Take Life Too Seriously ♥

[Severus Snape|0 likes] [|reply]

It's a terrible situation all around, unfortunately. I won't say you shouldn't be with him, because he deserves to be happy too, but maybe you should look into the disease a little more? Do some research and find out how other couples manage to work around the disease. Maybe two condoms in case one breaks? I dunno. But people have done it in the past. Just be very careful!

Hopefully you're talking about a condom and a female barrier and not two condoms... because wearing two condoms... that just wouldn't work at all.

Hidden Depths

Thank you for pointing that out!

Latex rubbing against latex = instant breakage.

Jellyka

Actually I was talking about two condoms. In hindsight, you're right, it isn't a good idea at all, but I've heard of people trying it so I figured I'd throw it out there :/ I'm just trying to think of what I would consider adequate protection if I were the person ion this position, and as much as I hate to admit it, nothing comes to mind

It's definitely a difficult situation, but the good news is that there have been significant medical advancements and there are medications and physical efforts that people can take to greatly reduce the risk. Not everyone knows the answers, but there are answers out there for people who seek them.

Hidden Depths

I agree. If you care enough about someone, you will find a way.

I think love is always worth it, but that it ISN'T worth rushing into anything. If the feelings are so strong, that you want to be together forever, then you don't need to rush. Talk to him about your fears, he must KNOW that you are scared.

It is so sad that he is HIV+ and I feel sad for his ex-gf too, she must feel such guilt.

I agree with Lauren. Also, take in consideration the depth of your relationship; how well you know him/care bout eachother, so it could help you make a wiser choice.

I don't know how old you are, but even as older adults this is a tough decision to make, so you have to be wise & figure out ways to keep yourselves healthy by talking to a doctor. Because of the extent this leads, you have to figure out the level of the relationship. If you just met him a couple months ago and you just have urges, then I hope you reconsider.

You have nothing but time.♥

You're almost catching yourself in a trap. I'm not saying his intentions are bad, because obviously he can't help what he has, but this is not just a virus that weakens your immune system, it is for LIFE. Well, at least until they find a cure. You have to remember that if you test positive, you're positive forever, and until they find another method, you'll be taking pill cocktails for the rest of your life. Thankfully though, on the bright side, the cocktails are good enough to make sure you'll likely never get AIDS.

The best way to combat this is to talk about it. I'm pretty sure he won't be a stranger with having to have a deep conversation about this.

My friend posted this link on his FB page about scientists disarming the AIDS virus' attack on the immune system. click me

You might want too look into everything before you call it quits, or push forward with this relationship. See a gyno, and make an informed decision.

[bella dama|0 likes] [|reply]

This is the link the link just shows up in black like it isn't even there anymore.... But it is.

[bella dama|0 likes] [|reply]

Sorry! That was part of the CSS. I fiddled with it so the links on your black background will show up

BloopSecrets

Yay thanks!!!!

[bella dama|0 likes] [|reply]

i think you need to speak with him, and a doctor to understand things better. hiv isn't a death sentence any more and a lot of the stigma around it is from back in the 70's when there was little you could do about it. if he's taken medication properly and you use protection, you should be fine. but only discussing things with him and someone with medical knowledge will ease your fears.

Is there a way to have children with someone with HIV?

I don't see if anyone has suggested this.. so I will.
Before making any decisions.. could you go see his doctor with him and ask the questions you're concerned about?

If you love this person, honestly - this is a tough call. A really tough call.

[*-.Stephanie.-* |0 likes] [|reply]

Oh and by have children I mean get pregnant by, since hiv is transmitted through semen

People with HIV can have children. I don't know the specifics of how/if the children can get HIV but I do know it's pretty hit-or-miss as to if they children themselves contract it.

Jellyka

If the mother has HIV, she can transmit it to her child at childbirth (this is known as 'vertical transmission'). The baby won't get it from an infected mother during the pregnancy, as the mother's and baby's blood supplies are separate and don't mix. But their fluids do mix at childbirth which is why it becomes a problem then.

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

And, I think the rates of vertical transmission are 25% if the mother isn't being treated at all for the HIV (which is relatively uncommon in developed countries but sadly quite common in developing countries).

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

(And according to my study notes the risk of vertical transmission for a mother who IS being treated is less than 2%.)

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

To me, though, ANY chance of a child getting HIV is far too risky to even consider.

Jellyka

I guess, but it depends on the individual's situation - if they love someone enough to want to have a child, they'll do it regardless.

Also the number of females with HIV in developed countries is much, much lower than that in developing countries, and much, much, much lower than men in developed countries. So the chance of a) her getting infected and b) her THEN passing it onto her child are extremely low.

[lithium layouts.|0 likes] [|reply]

Might be difficult for him, being in a relationship with a hypochondriac.

If you're not comfortable doing it, then don't do it. If he can't respect that, then that should give you some idea of things. there are other ways of pleasuring each other