I am ashamed.

you didn't know, so you're not a bad person. i wouldn't be ashamed to tell people either, but it'd be hard to say. it's not like you stayed with him and stayed silent, or helped him.

You did absolutely nothing wrong and have no reason to be ashamed! Would you believe that some people actually know this about their partners and choose to STAY?! It happens all the time. You did nothing wrong, and you proved that by divorcing him when you found out. If anything, his family did something wrong when he picked up another child (you) and didn't warn you about the things he had done in the past.

There are many people in this situation who deserve to be ashamed, your ex husband mostly, but also his family and anybody that knew of his past and didn't tell you about it. You however, have nothing to be ashamed of. In a way, you were a victim of his lies. You should be proud of your actions once you became aware, you obviously want to protect your daughter and she is obviously your primary concern.. but perhaps talking to someone in counselling or seeing a doctor would be a good thing. This is obviously something that is severely affecting your mental wellbeing and perhaps you need some help to get past it and accept this. You are a good person and a good mother. You just need to share this burden a little. X

He should have told you. Convicted or not, there should never be any secrets in a marriage. They either make or break a relationship and I'm sorry your relationship is over. Don't blame yourself, it is not your fault he didn't tell you. Don't blame yourself for his actions. Don't be ashamed for something he failed to tell you. As for you unborn baby, yes they will ask one day, but don't lie, don't be like him. Be honest, it will be hard and could make life difficult but at the end of the day, your baby will love you even more for being honest.

[Doris &hearts|0 likes] [|reply]

You should be proud of yourself for getting away from him. There are so many people who are in bad or uncomfortable relationships who don't have the strength or courage to leave. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. You did a really brave thing

I really don't think you have to explain why you two got divorced, but if you want to say something without lying, just tell people he wasn't the man you thought he was and leave it at that. When your daughter starts asking questions, tell her that her father did bad things and it was better for you to leave with her so she wouldn't get hurt. You'll know when she's ready for the truth.

[Toffee Sprinkles|0 likes] [|reply]

wow thats sso sad and scary with the whole situation. just think your child is the bright spot of the whole thing considering circumstanes too.If he found your number theres no telling if he will come after you or your child Ild go to the police and a get a restraining order placed on him and all stating something bout not having contact with you or your child. then if he violates it he can get in trouble for what he is doing and all. Best of luck and stay safe. im glad you found a great new husband
Love,
Jess

Jessbabyblue

U did tge right thing - my ex bf was one too to his four yr old cousin cuz his mom was hott and the cousin found a,pic that looks like her it has been over four yrs im still sickened by it n his family is ok with him - I wont be groends with a rappist or murderers or child molesters I wont allow,my kids when I have any to no,kids of mine will meet one as lo.g as I can help it o kno I wont kno who n eyc but ill check my areas for em to keep an eye out there it is scary hugs I hope u can trust ur husband

Sry for my typing errors - on my phone n I cant type on it to save my life lol all touch screen is not for me

Of course no one thinks that you are horrible, but I -do- think that working this out in a professional setting will help. While you may be trying to protect your kids, asking them daily if anyone has touched them will make them paranoid themselves and probably develope an aversion to normal, human touches--like a pat on the back for contratulations, a hug from a friend or family member or holding hands on the playground. Don't make your fears your children's fears.. Talk to someone you trust and take your life back. You're a strong person, you can do this.

Hidden Depths

I absolutely agree. You could lessen the anxiety with professional help. It sounds to me like the anxiety and fear has taken over your life and you deserve to have your life back.

I don't see how it's a reflection on you; he's the one who did these things.

That said, I worry what you're doing to your children because of this. Asking them every day if someone has touched them is going to give them some kind of complex. Either they're going to start thinking about it often and wondering, ending up making something up or experimenting, or they're going to become fearful. Please stop it.

You aren't a horrible person. You had no way of knowing. Someone should have been willing to warn you - they are the ones to blame. My mother was married to a child molester - but she found out all too late, only after he had molested the three daughters she had with him. She had to go through joint custody and horrible court battles (knowing what was happening to her kids while they were with him) before he finally got put in jail for another crime - rape.

I wish I could tell you that eventually you'll be able to sleep at night, though I don't know how long it will take. But know that you did the right thing. And I don't blame you for not telling everyone the full story - it's not really any of their business, and you are only protecting yourself.

Janesse

You did the right thing by leaving when you found out. If someone was to look down on you or what have you when you told them the truth it's only because they fear they aren't as strong as you. Have you told your husband about your fears? Keeping those from him will not only hurt you but him as well which will in turn hurt your marriage.

I agree with another commenter, go to the police get a restraining order put in place. Have you tried changing your number? Maybe look into having it set up to not show up in the yellow pages or anything like that.

I hope you and your husband can come together & help you through this. Your kids are lucky to have a mom like you. One that is going to protect them & keep them from being hurt. Especially the child that you had with the ex.

<3 much love, you did a good thing by leaving him. live your life and be amazing like you were meant to be <3

He and his family should be ashamed, not you. You did the right thing once you found out the truth about him. I agree with the many commenters who suggested you seek professional help. It would help you immensely to talk it out with a therapist so you can move on and begin to heal.

You should get a restraining order against him just in case it's necessary. Hopefully, it's not and he's just trying to scare you.

[Greta Garbage|0 likes] [|reply]

You were young and didnt know. People are good liars. I think talking to someone, maybe even confronting his family would help.

i wouldn't tell your child, ever. At least until they are adults and can deal with it...

not your fault though you didn't know. you will make it through this

[Cass|0 likes] [|reply]

I'd like an update from this person to see if any of our comments actually helped... I keep checking back to see if there's anything new to this story.

Hidden Depths

Yes the comment's helped me.
Even though people tell me it's not my fault, I still feel like it's my fault.
And as far as the person who told me to stop asking my kid's if someone touched them.. know that they are my kids, not your's.
I don't literly ask EVERYDAY but have after they come home from a sleepovers or other time's.
My daughter doesn't even realize yet that my husband isn't her biological father. She is almost a tween now. I know she is starting to wonder because she's noticed there isn't any picture's of her and her "dad" until she was age 5. So she's starting to ask question's. I don't want to lie to her. I just try skipping around the question's.
Thank's to everyone for the comment's.

you did the best thing, you ended it.

Rapists are horrible people, child molesters the worst kind. But the people in their lives aren't horrible. You don't become horrible for being with one, you don't become horrible for being touched by one.

You broke it off when you found out because you are a good person. If you continued with the relationship... like my grandmother did... you would be a horrible person.

My Grandmother, knowing that her husband did horrible things to her grandchildren, stuck with him even after being convicted. She spent the money my Great Grand Mother had given her for my college education when I grew up... to defend the man that touched me in ways that no child, no matter how old, should ever be touched... THAT is a horrible person...

She died recently... I was happy... Not sad... another horrible person gone...

So see? you are far from horrible... you are one of the good ones.

Try not to let that asshole pervert ruin your life. Most people aren't like that. the world isn't horrible.

Wow this must be incredibly hard for you. I don't think that you need to tell people why you divorced. It's your business, but at the same time, don't blame yourself.

you can't help who you fall in love with.
& i'm sure had you known, it would have been a different story.
i would change your number. make it unlisted.
it sounds like he has ruined some of the best years of your life,
don't let him ruin the rest of them too.
keeping it bottled up & to yourself isn't healthy,
find someone to confide in.
don't tear yourself apart for someone else's demons.
i'm sorry you had to go through this.