I have been dating a man who I thought was the most amazing man who ever lived. We are in our late 20's and I am divorced. We have been together several months and everything was amazing. He has told me he loves me more than life, he wants to move in together in a month. He wants to get engaged within the next year. And day to day he and I are perfect together. To the point where unromantic friend and family are beginning to think that soul mates so exist by watching us interact. Then I went through his phone and found out that he is on dating sites and emailing girls asking them sexual questions and he is also paying for some porn sites when he knows I cannot and will not stand porn. He had continually lied about both of these things. This has thrown me. I confronted him and he confessed only as I discovered more and more by looking through his phone. He says he is ready to commit now and that he was scared before and that he only was talking to girls because it was how he has operated his whole life and he just kept doing it because of habit and because he had never been serious like this about a woman before so he kept doing what he had always done. What do I freakin do?
I love him but this is unbearable. My marriage ended because of similar things with porn.
I am pretty sure I know who this is. And if you need someone to talk more too I'm here to listen. If I was you, I def wouldn't rush it. I'm not saying completely shut him down. But don't open yourself up to him to get hurt anymore. I would tell him to give you some space so you know you can be without him. If you do that & he stays true over time & nothing else like this happens again then you know he is worth taking a chance on. But with him already messing up again I'm not sure this man is to be trusted.
i seriously don't understand the porn thing. maybe you need to watch some together and point out your issues with it? to forbid someone from watching/enjoying it is just... not human and if that's the case--- you shouldn't be with anyone---except someone with no sex drive.
The issue here isn't dating sites or porn, the issue is that he flat out LIED to you regarding these things. It isn't whether or not you can get over the porn, it's whether or not you can get over his lies and trust him again. Trust is what makes or breaks a relationship and I'm a firm believer that without trust, you can't have a relationship.
I kinda agree with LN. BUT, the problem is that he lied to you about it. Instead he should have just told you that he couldn't "not" watch porn.
But the sneaking around your back is ridiculous. You could probably give him another chance, but it depends on how much you really love him.
Ending a marriage over porn is dumb its natural for guys
As long as he's not abusing it what is wrong with it?
And no offense ur in ur 20s and divroced already over porn sounded like ur marriage was given up that's the problem with most young ppl and marriage and marriage is hard work
Maybe take it slow with this guy?
It's natural for guys to lust after the flesh moreso than a woman would, but watching porn is not a natural act. It's a decision. It's not like seeing a woman on the street and naturally being aroused by her.
Watching porn doesn't just happen. It's a choice, even if it's a hard one for most guys to make (or not make). Nevertheless, it is not natural.
natural? uh...what?!?? pardon???!? looking at naked people has been part of the human race since, caveman days. appreciating the human body or watching it do sexy things. getting aroused by the act of sex. why is this bad?!? why is this "unnatural"???
look at all the artwork by Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Botticelli, Rodin....
also--- look at what you are calling "unnatural".
having sex (natural)
watching (natural)
getting turned on by watching (natural)
getting turned on by watching sex (natural).
i seriously don't understand your logic. maybe it's your own insecurities of your body or your own sexual being that makes this statement?
I hate porn.
And I hate that my husband wants to watch it.
Buttt....men are just like that.
They love porn.
I don't care what man it is.
I hate to say it but it's true.
The thing that I would be angry about
would be the fact that he has been lying
about it the whole time.
AND the fact he's talking to other women.
Yeah, he might just be talking to them now
but he could quite possibly take it further than that.
But I know when men feel trapped about something
that they want to do really badly [watch porn] they WILL
do it and lie about it instead of telling you what they think
about it.
It's easier for them to lie rather than voice their opinion about it,
and just say, "Hey. I'm a man. I like porn. And I'm going to keep
watching it because I don't see anything wrong with it and if you
cannot accept that we shouldn't be together."
Instead of doing that ^^, they will just lie, go behind your back and do it,
and probably talk about what a bitch you are to their friends.
Yeah...so....I would just tell him you guys need to slow things down for now.
[and the reason that I am saying that
that is how a lot of men are is because
I hang out with just guys, and I have seen
the things they lie about and do.
It's ridiculous.]
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I am pretty sure I know who this is. And if you need someone to talk more too I'm here to listen. If I was you, I def wouldn't rush it. I'm not saying completely shut him down. But don't open yourself up to him to get hurt anymore. I would tell him to give you some space so you know you can be without him. If you do that & he stays true over time & nothing else like this happens again then you know he is worth taking a chance on. But with him already messing up again I'm not sure this man is to be trusted.
I hate porn.