He Loves me, He Loves me Not!

I met a guy! And its official... we're now officially dating, and he calls me his girl and I call him my boyfriend... and this all happened really fast, but I can't tell you how amazingly right it feels... And so far, he's incredibly perfect for me as if he was made especially for me. Like, have you ever seen the movie Practical Magic with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock? I'm sure you have, but if you haven't... the two actresses play sisters who happen to be witches. There is a part in the movie where they decide conjure up the perfect man so the two of them share in putting qualities into the spell, send it off and eventually that man finds the one sister and they end up falling in love and living happily ever after. Until he dies that is- because as we all know, magic comes with a price!

Well my current bf is pretty much everything I could have ever asked for. Physically if you took Eric and aged him 10 more years plus allowed him a lifetime gym membership, you'd probably end up with close to what my current bf- Marc, looks like. He found me- I didn't seek him out because of the similarities. Let's make that clear. But truth be told, Marc is just gorgeous. I'm partial to guys that look like him, which is how I came up with Eric, and so with Marc I hit the jackpot.

Personality wise, I didn't know guys like Marc still existed. I met him online, and I wasn't interested in talking with him initially. Then after a while, we talked for a bit, graduated to the phone and then had made plans to meet up and see if anything would come of it I guess. The day we were supposed to hang out, my car broke down. He isn't driving at the moment, but he walked to a friends house several blocks away in the cold and snow and then paid him in order for his friend to bring him to me. Then he handled roadside assistance for me, got my car back up and running and even changed my dead battery so I didn't have this problem anymore! In addition, my blinker died and so he got the part to replace it, replaced it, and put a full take of gas in my car even though I insisted that he had already done enough.

Also, he is amazing with my son. Every time he comes over, he brings my son some sort of treat. The first time, it was gummy worms. The second time, it was gummy sharks! The third time, it was a cheeseburger kids meal from burgerking and then last night, he made him chicken tenders and french fries for him to munch on at his job. <== Wait a sec- I forgot to mention. Not only does he have one job, but he has SEVERAL. He works, he has his OWN apartment and he is close with his mother and grandmother.

Other awesome things he's done for me is rubbing my feet while we watched a movie, he did all my dishes in the sink, he made me coffee in the morning plus bought me coffee creamer when I ran out, he took my trash out, and he tells me I'm phenomenally beautiful (his words, not mine). When we sleep next to each other, he holds me close and tight, and he prefers me that way. He wants me to sleep with my head on his chest, and he always smiles and tells me how well I slept. Eric always slept with his back toward me, and so I always slept with my back toward him. I never knew before how cold he was towards me, and so in turn I was to him. I never knew how good it could feel to really be with someone.

Now, remember earlier when we were talking about Practical Magic, and how the girl's dream guy ended up dying in the end? Yeah- about that.... Marc has another life. A big secret, and I wasn't supposed to find out but I did. He has an extremely turbulent past and did a lot of things he isn't proud of. I won't mention them here, but what he said scared me slightly. None of the things that he did that got him into trouble, but what scares me is that he told me that once upon a time he had a really nice girl who was successful and good, but he cheated on her and had a fling with a girl who was not so good and ended up adding to the trouble he was already in. He told me he didn't want to tell me all of these things because he paid for the crimes he committed and he knows how much he hurt his past girlfriend. He knows what his wrong doings cost her, and he doesn't like to think about it. It hurts him. He told me he didn't want me to judge him for what he was, but instead who he is now and what we have together.

I cried... kind of a lot, and I couldn't help it. For the first time ever I've really felt beautiful, not just because he tells me that I am, but because he treats me like I'm golden. He tells me I deserve to be treated well. I cried because I'm afraid that something will happen where he'll end up leaving me, and all of these good things will end. I cried because I don't feel that I deserve any of this, and that I'm nothing and have nothing to offer. He told me he didn't want anything I had to offer- he just wanted me, and that he's glad to see how hurt I really am inside but it makes him sad because I shouldn't feel the way I do. He said from here on out, I have to let him be the guy in the relationship and I can't think the way I do because it will end up coming between us. He said that he can't try to make me happy if I don't allow him to make me happy.

I really would like to take everything he says in completely as if I could just absorb all that positivity and warmth into me and make it my own. I can't help but keep my guard up and worry. Should I let it go and just allow myself to be happy because I've found this one in a million guy? I wish he could understand what it feels like to be with someone like him. You know when you meet someone you are attracted to, you get that butterfly feeling in your belly? I feel like my whole body is on fire... like at any given second I could just explode and radiant sunlight would shine in every direction, illuminated by me. Do I really sabotage myself and my relationships? Does he really have the patience to sit by me while I try to fix myself? Does he REALLY think I'm that great, or is he just saying that? I guess time will tell, and I should stop thinking about it for now.