Right or Wrong?
Don- the property manager (not landlord) has been increasingly hostile. I think I've mentioned it before. He keeps threatening to send more violations because Marc (new boyfriend of two months now) spends so much time here with my son and I. He's been watching me from the windows and hallways to the point that my family felt uncomfortable visiting me... they called it harassment and stalking. The only reasonable option I thought was to move, so I applied for a house and to my surprise, I actually got it. We'll be moving by the 1st if all goes right from here forward.
Marc and I are getting better by the day. We argue less and talk more about our problems. Usually they start as an argument, but very quickly they lessen into something we can talk about, and then its over. Its nice that way, and definitely a relief that Marc and I are now able to get over our differences in a healthier way.
He's done a lot for us so far, and he's put even more into this... he's the one who's helped me find the house, he got a lot of work done on my car (hundreds of dollars worth) and he's also put up money for the move as well as to help me with my bills once I get there. He said he's going to start paying some of the bills because he stays with me so much. He's really stepped up in taking care of my son and I. Its amazing to have someone on my side... someone to carry me instead of me having to carry someone else I guess is the best way to put it.
So the whirlwind continues here: I called Eric, and not for any other reason other than to talk to him about what he'd like me to do about the cable. I told him that I'm moving and its in his name so obviously I can't take it with me or cancel the account myself. That's literally all the conversation was initially... until he hit me with the kicker: Evidently he regrets leaving us, moving away and wants the opportunity for another chance. He was going to come up and visit a few friends, but wanted to see my son and I in the process. I'm not sure if we were a stop along the way or if he was using his friends as an excuse to stop and see us. That's sort of how it sounded, but I've learned not to assume anything anymore. The truth is, I do miss Eric and it would be so easy to drop the current life that I've built and try to carry on the one that Eric and I were supposed to lead together. Too easy actually, and I think that's the problem.
Marc has given me everything I've always wanted. Sure, we have our differences to sort out, but otherwise we get along amazingly. He goes out of his way to make sure that Reign is cared for, he plays with him and spoils him in his own way like buying him french fries every time we take a car ride so that he has something to much on while on an adventure. Marc shows me around the city and pushes me to experience things I never have. He always believes that I can do better, and as much as that makes me feel bad sometimes as if I'm not good enough or something as I am, it reminds me that with Eric I was settling for less than what I'm capable of. Marc helps me. He does for me. He makes it a point to make sure that I know him, his feelings, what he wants, what he doesn't. He makes it a point to make sure he understands me just as well, and we learn new things about each other every day which is also amazing.
Eric was very apologetic, and was very regretful that he was so lazy in our relationship. We both agreed that he should be the one that's here instead of Marc, but at the same time I told him I felt that he had his chance and he walked away... it would be wrong, selfish and foolish of me to go back to that. Marc and I have a lot invested in each other even after these few short weeks, though these weeks have felt like a lifetime. But sometimes I feel like Marc and I have a relationship that isn't exactly forced, but requires a lot of time, concentration, commitment and work... As if we're building something together from the ground up with no thought that perhaps one day our tower might come crashing down around us. But its painful, difficult and strenuous at times. Eric just comes naturally. He always has.
I just think that the best things in life require effort. Nothing is supposed to come that easy. And after three years that never progressed to anything because he was admittedly lazy, I accomplished nothing with my life. In 3 months after he left, I got much needed repairs done on my car and am moving into a house.
Heart vs. Brain: GO!
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