I feel hopeful for my future. My family said they would help me get a car, and the agreement is that if they buy it for me I'll pay it back as I get my college disbursement checks. That way if I have my own car, which boyfriend owns the car even though I was making payments on it... Anyway, if I have my OWN car, I can get my OWN job, and put my son in daycare which is the last thing I want to do but it would do him good to be in a more structured environment with other kids his age. Then through it all, I can get my own place away from Boyfriend. I don't want to leave him, but he can't ever trust that I won't flip out on him again and I can't ever trust that I'm the only object of his affection... especially when affection is the one thing I'm not getting, and the only thing that matters. Not to mention that he says at this point he doesn't even know what he wants to do as far as our relationship goes, or how he feels about me. I feel like I'm being punished for something that isn't entirely my fault. I'm not saying that hitting anyone is ever justifiable, but I felt like I was backed into a corner.
On my journey to self improvement, I decided I want to lose 100lbs. I've started the P90 program, and I've tried to make diet changes slowly. For instance, I tend to snack on awful things and drink a lot of soda. So this week I've made a pact to drink protein shakes to help fight my late night hunger and give my body the nutrition it actually needs. I've also substituted all of my sugary drinks for water.
I also made a calender so I can follow my P90 program. The P90 is the prequel to P90x, which I heard kicks your ass and has great results. To be honest, this will be my third day doing it and I feel good. I can do a lot more than I thought I could do, and its nice having some real direction. When I follow along with the program, I feel like I have my very own personal trainer at home. The best thing I like about it so far is that the guy who leads the workouts always says that if we need a break, that's what the pause button is for. A lot of workout videos and DVDS have some skinny bitch telling you to keep it up, great job so on and so forth. That irritates the hell out of me. No way can I move like you do, with your flat abs and toned legs. Haha I think there is too much fat on my body to even be ABLE to flex in the way that you do. With P90, the leader tells you to take a break, get some water, go slow if you need to and as long as you are moving and following along with the program that's good enough for him. I like that. He's very motivational.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how things change as I go on these 90 days. I will be weighing myself every Saturday. I started out 230 pounds. Women fluctuate 5-10 points here and there because we're gifted. My goal is to be 140-150 pounds. I could really use a support team!
What diets/supplements/workouts helped you? |