So... I hate writing about this, but all I do it think about it 24/7.
Mark has been acting so strange lately. I feel like we haven't had a proper conversation in over a month. At first it was a few things said a few times a week. He always said he missed me, but work was hectic. But then he started to not respond to any of my txts. Two Friday's ago I finally got a txt from him first. He said, "Hey babe." I didn't want to seem desperate and respond right away. I waited about an hour and finally said, "hi stranger..." I say this a lot when we haven't talked in a while. All I got back from him was, "Work is crazy!"
A part of me felt like that first txt wasn't meant for me. I sent him a txt a week later and I finally got a response out of him Sunday. He said it had only been a week and a bit since we talked and said he missed me. I wouldn't say I lashed out at him, I just said that I wish he could prove it.
Well on Tuesday I kind of apologized. I felt like I didn't really NEED to since I felt like I didn't do anything wrong. All I said was, "I didn't mean to get short with you. I just miss you a lot and not sure you feel the same way. And saying 'work is crazy' once a week isn't talking, in my opinion..."
I haven't heard from him since, so he obviously doesn't miss me. I have NO idea what his problem is. January 2011 this same thing happened. He stopped talking to me out of nowhere, and then 5 months later came back.
He's almost 32 years old and sometimes acts half his age. If you have a fucking girlfriend, tell me! If something serious is going on, tell me! We've known each other for 7 years. Don't I deserve an explanation and the truth!?
What frustrates me is that back in July he wanted to call and cum for me on the phone. Then a week or so later he said maybe he'd start doing it more often. A few weeks ago when the Powerball jackpot was high, he asked that if I won would I laugh or go visit him. A few days after that he was still calling me his slut and whatnot.
If he has a girlfriend then this whole time leading up to it he was still discussing all these things with me! I don't get it. And I think he knows I can't do a damn thing about it because we're so far away.
I can't stand that I think about him all the time. I lay in bed at night tossing and turning, wondering what went wrong. I sometimes cry about it. I was even praying about it! But I felt extremely guilty, so I stopped.
I don't know what it is about him, but he has me so fucking attached and I hate it. I let him come back a year ago, never thinking this would happen again. Last night I kept thinking that I feel like I may never meet someone, because he'll always be in the back of my mind and other guys may not be what he is.
I know that's not healthy and I should remove him from my life. But how? All it takes is deleting him from my phone, and I can't bring myself to do it. I'm not ready, and not sure I'll ever be. The last time I never got answers, and I want answers...
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