Realization

Work on Sunday wasn't bad. We weren't even that busy with is being the Super Bowl. I got done at 2:30 so maybe it got busier. Who knows. I watched it because nothing else was on. I didn't care about either team in it but I wanted the Giants to win. I think Tom Brady is a cocky bastard and you could see that when they came out onto the field. And was I the only one that thought they were getting boo'd? Haha! I thought the commercials were kind of shitty, but I did enjoy the M&Ms one and the exercising dog.

Yesterday I talked to Tom for the first time in YEARS. Like an actual conversation. He's sent me some of his songs in the past, but we never really talked. I guess I was feeling bad for kind of just... taking him out of my life. 10 years ago he was my rock and I depended on him a lot, but once I went to college I felt like I didn't need him anymore. He said he's going to some ICP festival again this year and I should go with him. I said no way, and if it was in Hawaii that'd be another story.

Before I went to work I sent Mark a txt. I asked how he was feeling, and after he told me he felt better I said, "I miss you a lot, you know..." After 3 hours I never heard anything back so I was furious and said, "Well nevermind... I guess it's not mutual." He said it was and that it was a crazy day. Since I was pretty pissed I couldn't let it go and said, "Well when you never talk to me anymore I don't know what to think..."

He never said anything back, so that was just the icing on the cake. Not only did it prove my point, it just upset me and when I went to bed I cried a little. I figured that was it and he wouldn't talk to me for a week. Ever since we started talking again I haven't let things like that bother me, and I try not to say anything because I don't want to be mad at each other, but I just couldn't hold it back last night.

So I was VERY surprised when he sent me a txt this morning. He said he wasn't mad at me. And when I woke up from my nap he sent me a txt asking how my day was going. I guess he got the hint and is TRYING. I don't know. I know work is busy for him, but I just feel like I've been put on the back burner for the last month or so. Sometimes you miss what you have when you realize someone is pissed off at you.

Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment where I will get the results of my VNG and hearing tests. I will TRY my best not to cry. I really hope I don't. I'm feeling A LOT better, though, which is good. I don't feel as dizzy and I don't really feel like I'm on a boat anymore. I'm not 100% better, but I'm not expecting to be. But if you compared me to 3 weeks ago I'm doing good. I guess I took 4/10 pills, but I feel like I don't need to take them anymore. I really do think it could be something with my eyes. If I read a lot I feel shitty. Except typing this doesn't have that effect...

I've been trying not to bite my nails anymore. The doctor really noticed it 3 weeks ago and that's when I realized I really need to stop! I've been biting them for as long as I can remember, for at least 20 years I'd say. Some nails I haven't touched, like my thumbs, but other nails I can't leave alone! And if I do bite off a nail that has grown out some I feel disappointed in myself. This is a 20 year habit I'm trying to get rid of so I shouldn't be so hard on myself sometimes. But seriously... I REALLY want to rip off my grown out nails and it takes a lot of willpower not to! The funny thing is that about 5 of my nails I've let grown out, and the other 5 I've been biting. The nail I'm having the most trouble with are my pinky ones. My thumbs and pointers are fine, and my middle ones are getting there. I still bite and pick at the skin around all my nails, though. That's the next thing I need to stop doing.

And that's the longest paragraph I've never wrote about nails. Haha!

Anyways... I just hope my appointment goes fine tomorrow. I'm a little nervous and I don't know how long I can go without wanting to bite these nails off!