help!my 3 yr old whines and it gets on ppl's nerves

My 2 1/2 yr old daughter throws tantrums & whines a lot. The only thing that works with her is completely ignoring the bad behavior. I tell her I can't hear you when you scream or cry. Then I walk off, let her cry it out or throw her fit, then when she stops walk back in & ask her sweetly "can mommy do anything for you now?" Usually that does it & she tells me what she wants calmly & in a normal voice instead of whining. If she keeps on crying or whining I walk off & tell her the same thing "I can't understand/hear you when you cry/scream" Then after she calms down come back in & ask her again. It takes a while to get them to stop. I've been doing this for about 2-3 months and I've seen a big improvement on how she communicates with me. I know some people who've never had kids before don't understand that it's just their age. Toddlers are demanding & tempermental. You just have to teach them & be patient with them for them to learn to communicate like adults. Good Luck!

I don't think there is really anything more you can be doing. It's a phase that he will grow out of with your encouragement and reminders that he is a big boy. Maybe you need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a talk about how he can be a little more understanding with your oldest. Not saying that your boyfriend isn't doing a good job handling the situation, but maybe it would ease tension to explain your son's behavior. Maybe your boyfriend could even give your son a little one on one time. Take him to a movie or go fishing. I know thats a lot to ask of him since he is not the parent, but maybe that special attention might remind your son that he is still important although there is a new baby in the family. Or you can give him special big boy "jobs" that makes him feel comfortable in his position as the oldest sibling. Does that make sense? haha. I dunno. Good luck!

ask him to talk in his nice voice before doing anything for him.
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Also maybe he doesn't want to be a big boy.. sometimes kids regress with a new sibling.. he sees all the attention the new baby is getting and doesn't want to be a big boy! he wants to be the baby again. baby him for a bit
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Don't focus so much on how to get him to stop (and he certainly does not need smacking for it) but focus on rewarding and praising him when he is behaving "like a big boy."
November butterfly is right, he probably doesn't want to be the big boy and wants what his little brother has. Lots of attention and people cooing over him.
You say he is like this when around your boyfriend and I think this is a new relationship? He is adjusting to having somebody new around and this is probably his way of trying to get your attention now he is having to share you with not only his little brother but a new man too. It is a lot for a little boy to adjust to and on top of that you are adding the expectation that he behave "like a big boy". It is probably all a bit too much for him to cope with.
Set aside some time for just you and him to spend together.

You say that people favour your youngest and that your sons behaviour "stresses people out". Who is is stressing out and who favours the younger one? Your boyfriend? It may be that he, or whoever else, just finds it easier to care for a younger child than a toddler.

First and foremost he shouldn't be 'smacked' for it. Thats not teaching him anything other than its ok to hit people.

Its his age. All kids that age will act that way (especially when there is a sibling). When he starts to act up like that, just tell him you can't understand and that you will help him when he can calm down and ask nicely. Walk away from him and when he's done with his tantrum, go back and ask him what he needed. Don't try to yell at him while he's screaming. It will only escalate the situation and make him anxious-which will make him scream/cry more.

Also--I'm not a single mom, so I'm not in your situation. But, I don't think your boyfriend should be dealing with any situations brought by your kids. Your son more than likely doesn't recognize him as an authority figure and will more than likely not listen to him as well as he would to you.

Good luck.