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begin.
I think I managed to fit about thirty-seven separate and very extreme emotions into my day today. I won't recount them all, but here are the biggies:
(PROTIP: 37 was a random number / sarcastic exaggeration. It's kinda my thing.)
I definitely was angry beyond words with my math teacher today. She gave back one work sheet that counted as two quiz grades. I got a 76% (D) on the front and a 62% (F) on the back. I am not a goddamn retard. The answers were 100% CORRECT. But this little bitch decided that I had to show my work. Now, I showed my work on the polynomial factorization portion. I also showed how I added fractions with unlike denominators. But, I did not show my work for the problems posed as Pre-Algebra and Algebra I problems. I am in Adv. Algebra/Trig, which is up to THREE TO FIVE YEARS after Pre-Alg and Alg I. I know it. I can multiply and add (TWO STEPS ZOMG) in my head. I know, I must be a fucking genius sent by God to be able to do that. Or, obviously, cheating. She knows good and well that I am an "A" student. I am surrounded by students lower than me. I am at the top of the class (or, was before two bad quiz grades). However, since I am smart enough to do mental math, I am now losing points. I'll give an example problem.
Directions: Calculate the value of each expression if x = 4.
1. ..., 2. ..., etc.
9. (x + 5)2
I said "81". No work. But she said that that requires work. Factoring "x2 + 6x + 9" to "(x+3)(x+3)" is mental, but I show that work. But this is easy goddamn shit. My sister can do it in her head. Why can't I? I'm not a grade grubber. I get 98%'s in that class because she graded something wrong, but since I got an "A" I don't complain. But we talked today, and she said the directions clearly stated work needed to be shown. The directions were, AND I QUOTE, "Show your work as needed." It wasn't needed. Fuck her and her goddamned methods. She's a dumb bitch. I could teach that class better than her. I know it because she is letting smart students (not me) get C's, D's and even FAIL because she doesn't know how to explain things. I love math. But she is slow. We just got to Chapter One after seven weeks of class. Before that we were working on chapter PREREQUISITE! Shit I KNEW! I still haven't learned ONE thing in that class. Not ONE.
Why is education failing in America? Oh, I don't fucking know. Because she is a teacher. Teachers like her can actually get a degree. WHAT THE HELL?
Mr. Touart is the best person ever. I know I say I hate him a lot, but his methods are perfect. I know so much right now. I can tell you about everything I've learned this year as if he had just taught it. God I love that class. I feel like I am actually advanced. (Trig, by the way, IS an advanced class!!!) I earned my "B". And I'm not even angry I got a "B". I would rather have a "B" in a class and KNOW the material than scrape by on the bare essentials and get an "A".
SCAEL (pronounced like scale, means Scholastic Achievement Excellence League) is a quiz bowl team I'm on, and we had our first match today. We won by a huge margin, and my team, Literature, kicked fucking ass. Like, 105 to 40, or some shit like that. I want to hug Lexi right now! She was our team captain and she was phenomenal. Math, Literature, Social Studies, Science, and All-Around won for my school. Hellz yeah.
Caleb. Oh my god Caleb. I am so confused. Like, I think he has a girlfriend, but I can't even be sure. Like, he hangs out with one or two girls a lot, but so do I. I never see him kissing or holding hands with either of them. But he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to not have a girlfriend. And he doesn't act very gay. He used to dress a bit more gayly, but lately he's been wearing hoodies and sweatshirts. I know it is unhealthy to watch a guy I likely don't have a chance with, but he fucked with my head today! Like, I've been trying to not think of him when I don't see him (which is ashamedly difficult), but today...oh god.
I was walking down the hall in nothing abnormal (this week is spirit week, so people wore crazy clothes) when I passed him in the hall. I would swear on my LIFE he gave me a once-over. He did it like you see in fucking MOVIES. There wasn't a girl to my side (there weren't many other people in the hall besides me, him, and his friends). As I walked past I heard my name, Chris, but there are many Chrises in the school. That wasn't the weird part. It was seeing him eying me. ME. I swear it! I know how unhealthy it is to think about someone you can have...but if he's gay or even bi, and he shows any interest in ME. Hahaha. That would be fucking amazing. He specifically looked at what I think was me twice later that day, but those times I wasn't alone. And one of those times I had pink feathers duct-taped to my chest (pink and white were the sophomore class colors), so many other people looked too.
But I can still see his face...looking at ME. I looked around me to check if someone else was there, but no. NO. Just me. Oh god...
I can't just dismiss THAT as nothing. Seeing his face in my mind, that wasn't the look of total disinterest. There are really only two possibilities. Either one, it is what I want (I can't think it, let alone type it), or two, it is that he knows I look at him and now I sort of creep him out. Those are far too different.
SKLJDFHGSJDHGLHPA
I could type waaay too much about this damn boy.
Fuck my life.end. | | |
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