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begin.
I want to write out some big angsty thing to get some feelings off my chest, but I hate being so bitchy all the time.
I know I sound like a very annoying person through entries alone. My comments are usually a bit better, if largely argumentative. I'm just so tired of overall appearance to others. Apparently, I am "Mr. Drama" according to my dad. Gah.
I feel like all of these things are going wrong when really only two or three things are really "bad," per se. I hate being the over-dramatic teen.
---Regardless, I'll do what I hate and bitch some more.---
I hate this cliché crush thing. Part of my brain knows that if I actually knew this guy personally that I wouldn't like him, but the rest is just OMGCUTEBOYOMGCUTEBOYOMGCUTEBOY. -_- I mean, I know his friends better than him, and if he is like them...uhg. Stupid Caleb and his influence on my emotions. What sucks more is knowing that every little glance I get from him--which I see as significant somehow--is, in reality, meaningless.
When I lie in bed at night thinking about a "possible" relationship with him in an epitomizing manner, I realize what a loser I am. I have that goddamn disease called "hopeless romanticism." A simplistic, yet cute, Southern boy becomes, to me, an extremely thoughtful and considerate guy. What the fuck, brain?
At night, my brain dwells on this ignorant male. I think of ways we discover this perfect and destined like we have for each other. *readers should vomit here* Maybe we come across each other in town or something and a passing comment leads to a longer conversation...or we start talking on Myspace...or maybe it's a stupid, childish note left on the others desk in second period (which we share)...etc. It's disgusting, really, what my mind cooks up in the dead of the night.
I need a hobby or something.
Oh yeah.
School.
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