Title: Movie I'm currently watching. Paused while my dad goes to sleep. Tolerance is one thing, but this movie would be embarrassing for him to catch me watching.
Christmas is a shitty holiday for me. I don't know why. Maybe I see happier families or something. It just reminds me of all the parts of my life that I don't enjoy. I don't get that warm fuzzy feeling of cozy times at home with happiness and joy. I get memories of people I love who are dead, why being gay frustrates me, and how I have gone seventeen years on Earth and still haven't loved anyone romantically. I think of all my stupid-ass crushes and impossible dreams of success in life. I think about how I don't even know myself sometimes. I think about my addictive personality and all of the illegal and immoral things I've done. I think about how dissatisfied I am with my friends sometimes, and how terrible of a person that makes me. I think of how fucking batshit crazy I am.
GOD.
Why can't it be like ten years ago when Christmas meant Santa and getting everything I wanted? Why can't it mean sledding and hot cocoa with whipped cream and playing with all of my friends? Why can't it mean a warm fire and all of my family? Why can't it be the perfect picture that this fucking culture has made it out to be?
Also, why can't Glee be on Netflix Watch Instantly? Gah. This torrent is taking SO LONG. |
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