Bad night last night
Chris (my stepson) and I have really been butting heads this week and last night everything just came together in one big teary blow up. Shawn basically put us in our corners and talked us down. He thinks I'm trying too hard and then getting too angry when I don't get what I want in the time frame I think it should be done it. I agreed with him on the latter but not with the former. He asked me, kind of rhetorically, if I've ever been accused of trying too hard. I told him that no, I haven't. He didn't believe me. "You mean, you've never been accused of trying too hard?" No! I'm the procrastinating, lazy one in my family. If anything, I feel like I'm not trying hard enough if I'm not getting the same results that nearly everyone else does. I just felt like I'd talked until I was blue in the face and tried everything I could think of and I still wasn't getting anywhere so why even bother anymore. Just defeated.
Anyway, things played out for the most part and we took Chris to his grandparents for the weekend, as planned. He has to stay with them because I work Sat. & Sun. mornings. Shawn works overnight & doesn't get home until after I leave. So we dropped him off and came back home so Shawn could get ready. Things were still a little tense and pretty quiet. Shawn left for work and I was left to my own devices for the rest of the night.
I don't sleep well on nights when I'm alone. I'm just not used to it anymore. So, when Shawn didn't call me on his first break around 11:30 a.m., I started to get upset and all teary all over again, thinking I'd screwed up pretty good. When he still hadn't called by the time I thought his lunch was going to be, I was all kinds of upset. I called him & got sent to voicemail after 3 rings. He called me back about 10 minutes later, explaining his lunch was later that day. We started talking and he was like, "Are you still upset about that?" Of course, it doesn't help that I'm still PMSing & crying at the drop of a hat anyway. We talked for a few minutes and I felt quite a bit better afterwards and worn out. I think I went to sleep around 2:30 a.m.
I woke up from some dream about 10 minutes before my alarm was due to go off. I hate it when that happens. I dragged my ass out of bed at 6:15 to get ready for work and that's where I am now.
For the past week & a half or so, my left sciatica nerve has just been really hurting. I've been taking Alleve and leftover Rx pain killers from my husband's 2 surgeries last summer. I thought I'd gone through all that we had so my MIL offered me some of hers. I had been taking hydrocodone which had been fine. She gave me Morphine! Morphine! *shakes head* I'm sorry to say that it still didn't take care of it completely but it did help a little more than the Vicodin. Anyway, I took all of those. I think there were only about 5 of them. When I was switching out purses the other day, I came across some more of Shawn's leftovers. Yay!! Now, as happy as I was for this, I've been trying to tough it out more because both Rx pain meds just wipe me out. Pardon the pun but I'm tired of being tired. I need to get the house in order but I've just been too wiped from the meds to do anything. On the other hand, if I don't, I can only work for about 5-10 minutes at a time before I have to sit down.
The first batch of Vicodin that I took was from his second surgery & this second batch was from his first. Make sense? Anyway, I'm not sure what the difference is between the two but today is the second time I've used this current batch and I'm about ready to hurl. I had plenty of food in my stomach and I didn't have this kind of reaction with the first pill I took. I was leary about taking it in the first place because I was already so tired. Now, I'm even more tired and nauseas to boot. Joy. Thankfully, I only have a couple of hours left and then I can go home and sleep some of this off. I hope.
Time to go bug some more customers. Later!
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