strike
Why is it when there is something you really want to do and are not able to everyone all of a sudden is calling you or FB'ing you on whether your gonna do it. But other things that you could care less about you don't hear shit about? I wanted to go to the Pub tonight. I asked Jeff about a week and a half ago and he said he didn't know because of Jess going out of town. He didn't know when she was going and he'd have to be here when she does. Well, last weekend and several other times she mentioned going out of town on the 10th. I was like shit there goes that. So I didn't bother saving any money towards going. Well, then two days ago she tells Buck that she can't go and he tell's us. I was like wtf? Then she told me yesterday that she wasn't able to go because Mike the head boss was going out of town for a soccer tournament. I guess one of his kids. Anyways they can't both be out of town at the same time in case something were to go wrong. I was like great! (sarcastically) So I hadn't made any plans because I'm broke, I didn't try to get a babysitter or anything. I didn't get to go last time LED was there for whatever reasons. Then yesterday Gordy fb'd me saying we should go. Then a little bit ago my sister calls and asks if we're going. I was like wtf is this? Teasing me are we? She wants a DD and Jeff said I could be her dd but I was like uh, no, I want to drink. Besides I don't like going without him. One reason is just because I like to go out and dance with my husband. Another reason is so that nobody can say that I did this or that or whatever because I was drunk. Anyways, I got really upset about this....very upset. Jeff was like "yeah, I'd like to go to it would be fun but we just don't have the money or babysitter." It just rolls off his tongue easy as shit. I felt like slapping him because if we had all that I would still have to twist his arm to go and I can't stand when he acts like it would be a lot of fun but circumstances keep us from going. He loves when that happens. We have been home all day cleaning. Jeff left for awhile to go hunting and while he was gone I took a nap. I woke up right when he pulled in. since then I've been cleaning again while he pulled up some green beans for his mom, went and fed Jess' animals, and now he's down doing the turkeys. He was like we had fun today cleaning the house altogether. I was like "in no way shape or form did I call this fun only something that needed to be done." who in the right mind calls that fun? What drives me nuts is since we've moved here it is all about him anymore. I feel like I'm in this motherfucking bubble watching all my friends have a good time and not being able to do the same. He gets to go hunting, make his garden, ride the four-wheeler and bush-hog fields. all of this he enjoys. i enjoy none of it. there is absolutely nothing and nobody here for me. i moved an hour or so away from all my friends and family. I have nobody to talk to. I have nobody to hand out with. we are always so broke that we can't afford gas to even go see anyone. every once in awhile i kind of explode on him at work over stupid shit. well stupid shit that he keeps doing wasting my time. then he yells at me saying lose the attitude and what's wrong with you your not the same amanda you used to be. well i fucking wonder why? you move me out to bum fucked egypt where solitude is the only thing I have. i hate it here for that reason!! i wouldn't if I didn't have to live, eat, and breathe farm 24/7. If we could still go out and hit the pub every once in awhile or hang with some friends or fucking something to break up the monotony of this place I wouldn't be bothered by it so bad. I don't mind the place in the fact the house is nice, the view is great and all that. It's the solitude that gets me. He loves it, I hate it. it is depressing and that is just how I have been lately. fucking depressed. it makes me want to say fuck it all. can't go back to where we were anyways. fuck it!!!!!
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