i needed a place like this. a corner in my life where i could talk about you,
and keep you. it's somewhere i can pretend no one reads
when i write to you, because some would think it's shameful
that after all this time, you are still the dearest and most
desired person to my heart.
in a few months it's going to be 5 years since i met you.
and it's been 4 years since i had the privilege of becoming
your best friend. 3 years have gone by, and it still feels like just yesterday,
since the day you declared your interest in me; when i said "yes".
and 1 year since you so honestly told me it couldn't go on
anymore, that we were over. but not one second has passed
without me loving you in the most intense way anyone can,
and not even one day can go by without you being in my thoughts.
i'm not ashamed of how long this love has lasted for you.
because when i think of you, it makes so much sense.
the entire person you were, that you are,
is unforgettable.
the day before yesterday i visited "our" tree.
the one where i used to sit and write at, remember?
i sat there and wrote to you, and as i did, i cried.
it was the most explosive feeling inside my body,
because i hadn't cried so freely and over you since the day
we had to say goodbye.
i almost felt as if you were there with me.
i expected to see you there any moment.
the letter i wrote, i left it at the tree.
i buried it under the soil. if you ever find it,
(which i'm sure you never will unless you go there again
and somehow uncover it), you will open it and see that it's
my writing. you will read about how i still love you so much,
and maybe you'll come back to me.
it may sound ridiculous, but i'm secretly waiting
for that to happen.
i miss you, i miss you THAT much.
at first i thought of after writing it, just throwing it away.
the slight chance that someone might find it and
read it terrified me. but then i realized that
leaving it at the tree would mean something.
and more than that, it would be something unexpected
for me to do. that's when i decided to leave it.
because every time i do something unexpected,
it brings you back to my life. most of what i did with you,
was unexpected.
that's the feeling you brought to my life.
with you i did things that i would have never otherwise done.
and that's the feeling and memory i seek.
it brings me back to you.
please find it, please find the letter and read it.
i know you have a lot of letters from me, but that one is the truest. |
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