Is there anyone in your life, who you love more than you could possibly express? you think the world of them and all you want is to make them proud? Mines my dad...dear old dad. I definetly have daddy issues....ive always been a daddys girl. i cant help it, when i was little i remember telling my mom i wanted to marry my dad and now all i want is a guy the polar opposite in everyway....if youve read my profile, you now know TADA i am a girl, magic, i know haha. but really i couldnt write this without saying what, BUT THATS ALL YOU GET. although if youre smart or basically just have a functioning brain, you probably already know, my age, gender, etc. because lets face it, im transparent, im no good at writing...anyways...my dad. such a tough subject, such a...painful subject. I dont know what to make of him. On one hand he can be the sweetest, nicest, most caring, loving dad who you just want to give a great big bear hug. takes me nice places, buys me whatever i need and is very supportive. Then theres the side that frightens me nearly to death. He says the most awful things. He can turn a whole conversation around from happy to basically him shitting on my heart in one fowl swoop. in highschool, everytime he'd call i would get panic attacks for fear of him being angry with me for something. (my parents are divorced) i still flinch if he raises his arm higher than my head i im near him because im so used to him threatening us that way....how is it possible to love someone so much and dispise them so much at the same time? i dont understand why he does this to me...to my sisters.....Im so afraid he wont love me anymore, im afraid he will be able to turn around and say he hates me if i mess up. a few days ago we had a fight and i havent talked to him since...hes texting me telling me hes sorry, that he loves me. But he always does this. He is a master at manipulation and he can lure me back so easily...i just want him to love me...but i cant take his hurtful words and actions anymore. All my life he's been slowly breaking my heart...with every snide comment..hurtful name....yelling sprees...i just dont know what to do. what to say to him, i dont want to lose my dad, i love him so much but he kills me. hes got other children, i have six sisters in total. what if i tell him off and he just...doesnt care? says he doesnt need me...tells me to leave. im so afraid. god please tell me what to do. |
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