This evening Luke took a nap and at eight o'clock he was still asleep. I knew he had plans to go partying tonight but I wanted to keep him in bed and have him to myself for the night. The more I thought about it, kneeling beside the bed and watching him as he slept, the more I couldn't bare the thought of him leaving me again tonight (every weekend for the past year). I layed next to him and cuddled up next to him, thinking about how angry he'd be if he missed the party tonight because I didn't wake him. So I stroked his cheek until he woke. He looked at his watch and jumped out of bed and into the shower. When he got out I got on my knees next to him, hugged his legs and begged him not to go. "I need to see my friends," he said. I understand. I'm hard work. I get it. You need a break. Okay.
It's ridiculous how much I depend on him. When he left, I hung around pacing back and forth like a sad puppy before climbing into bed simply because the sooner I fall asleep the sooner I'll wake up and he'll be by my side. Needy, much? I hate being so pathetic. I never used to be like this. I had a social life as busy as his, once upon a time... Five years ago? That seems like a lifetime ago. He used to invite me along to these things but there's too much noise, my eyes hurt, I feel dizzy, I can't breathe.
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OMG I thought I was inside my mind there for a minute and then realized that someone else wrote this. It's strange how our lives change once we find someone.... I used to be independent and had fun with my friends, now all I do is live my life around Jason's and when he goes with his friends (or anywhere else without me for that matter) I'm worthless and pathetic.