Paranoid, pathetic...please | 01/12/2009 |
 WhEn PuSh CoMeS tO sHoVe
All right, so it is that time of year again. I am only a Junior... I know... but I worry so much. I mean, I can just feel the end of the year closing in on me and it is only January! JANUARY!!! Maybe it is because we started talking about college yesterday at work... or something. I do not know.
But see, I get to thinking. I have my life almost all planned out after High School. Well, no, that is a life. I have an idea but I have not cemented it, you know. I am so paranoid about test scores that I don't send my ACTs out automatically, instead I decided I will pay the 9 dollars to send them to the schools that I want to, just in case I do horrible. Just in case... I'm a fluke.
Well, see, I never really thought of college until I started high school. Nope, not one bit. And then I started looking, and I have about 5 colleges or so that I already have picked out and all but one are out of state. One, Arcadia, I really seem to like. Like I have seen their website, and read all of their stuff up and down. Yet, I just feel weird. Not about the school, well... yes it is about them. (And if I am like this now, lordie, I do not want to be me next year, when I am a senior.).
See, I am the top in my class. Everything comes easy to me. I got a 29 on my ACT, and I have a great memory and I do actually listen in class. However, my family is not rich, and since my wreck I have not had a lot of money because I have been trying to get my parents paid off. (I should only have 1,000 left by the end of January. That is 2,000 dollars in less than a year. A YEAR!!! And I only get minimum wage which is 6.55 but was 5.85 before July.)
Anyways, that is so off-topic. Well, I looked at my numbers. See, I am weird. I have a list of like 15 schools all with information on them. Like student population, acceptance rate, out-of-state rate, ACT scores, majors, costs, stuff like that. I do not have high-speed internet so that is one reason why, but I just made a document and typed it all up... because I am weird. Needless to say, I had looked at my numbers again.
And I noticed something. Arcadia accepts 75% of the students that apply, which is a lot. My big state University only accepts like 60% and that was the second highest I think in my list, was my state. I think University of Minn. Twin Cities only accepts like 55%. And Arcadia is small, like 2000 undergrads small. But the moment I read their programs and stuff I just fell in love with it.
But I have this itchy feeling, because I doubt I will be able to go and visit their campus and stuff like that, hello just a few thousand (at least) miles away, and like 3-4 state lines. And I mean, I am also drawn there because I think I would have a better chance of scholarships, which let me tell you, I will desperately need. But, what if they are a crappy school? What if their programs suck and I wasted my time and it is all, for nothing? What if I hate the surroundings and the people and it is just not a good school? What if the teachers aren't good and I am stuck in a school I do not like? I know I can transfer but that is a still a year of my life spent I can never get back, not to mention the cost ($40,000 a year).
I don't know. It certainly is not going to be the only school I apply to. I would love to go to Columbia University, but with that I do not think I am good enough. And sometimes I just feel like I should give up my dream of going out-of-state and just fall back and go to my state's main university and leave it at that. I mean it would be SO much easier. And I would be close to all of the people I know, friends or not.
So yeah, I just don't know. I wish there was an easier answer. Maybe I am hoping someone on Bloop has gone to Arcadia and could tell me. I just do not know what to do. And no one at school seems to get the fact that I don't take the ACT for a third time because I want to be "better" than all of them and "flaunt" my intelligence. I am taking it because I really don't think I'm good enough. Sigh....
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Hey there =P I just clicked on random and got your diary! So I'll just say hi and be on my way =)