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The Rat Maze Wall
by Awakened

previous entry: I look like Andy Lau?

next entry: Why are you in my dreams?

Longing

10/02/2010

God has given me some knowledge and wisdom and Ive been able to use it to improve other peoples lives. For example, my advice (a few years ago) to my colleague and friend Devon led to him to become the director of our department.  When that position opened up, I knew exactly what he would need to do to fill it.  I suggested it to him, and he was unsure saying to me, I dont know if I could.  You know a lot of people wont want me in that position.  I pushed him to give it a shot (and I was sure he would get it if he did what I adviced him to do.)  He did, and he got the position as the director.

 

A lot of people (friends and colleagues) benefited from my advice.  It is actually my gift from God.  However, because I am aiming for the impossible, it is taking much longer for me to reach where I need to reach.  Looking at all the friends and colleagues who benefited from my vision and knowledge (from God), it is as if God is re-assuring me and making sure that I stick with what I know (despite lack of understanding from most people.)

 

It is really hard in terms of patience, endurance, and keeping the faith (not doubting).  It is really hard because of the temporary sacrifice, although that temporary so far has been five years.  God please help me endure and keep progressing (and faster if possible.)  There are many parts to this sacrifice such as a relationship with a girl a couple of years back, temporarily settling for a lower income,

 

On this road less traveled, it would be hard if I had a family (wife and kids) to support. Because I dont, I was less hesitant to get on this road five years ago.  However, it is still hard because I still have to contribute to supporting my mother.  (All my sibblings and I contribute monthly to financially support my mother.)

 

When I reached where I need to be, my income will reach heights far beyond what my sibblings (or most of them) would think possible because I would be serving many millions (which is actually the most important focus).  At that time, I wouldnt mind being the sole financial supporter of my mom. However, one of my sibblings began pressuring me to get off this road less traveled (that Ive already sacrificed so much for.)

 

Also, my family knows that I have been temporarily settling for a lower income while I am building toward my goals.  This led to some distant family members to incorrectly believe that my mother and sibblings are financially providing for me, when it is the other way around.  Initially, I got really upset for maybe a minute when I found out about this.  Most people would be.  However, because of God, I didnt stay upset because I know that God is with me (despite these hurdles).

 

Wouldnt it be so nice to have financial support (like they falsely claimed) so that I can solely focus on the work?  Wouldnt it be so nice if I can work at least 40 hours a week solely focused on this road less traveled reaching millions via various media (books, articles, talks, and various new media and technologies)?  Unfortunately, I am currently working at least 20 30 hours per week (time taken away from the serving work) for immediate income to survive and to contribute to family, in addition to 20 - 25 hours per week on the serving work (on the road less traveled) which doesn't yet pay enough.  Hours taken away from the serving work (for immediate income) is partly the reason for the slow progress in the serving work on the road less traveled toward the promised land.  (Its been 5 years and I have still not reached the promised land.)

 

I am really in the state of longing right now toward the promised land almost to the point of desperation.  God, please bless me.  I really need to get there soon.  At times, I feel uncertain how much longer I can continue working toward this promise land. God, please stay with me.  Please get me there, but please go easy on me (because I know some of your methods in accelerating the journey.)

previous entry: I look like Andy Lau?

next entry: Why are you in my dreams?

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"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." [Romans 5:1-5]

May God bless your perseverance.

[Littlest Flower|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you for this reminder, Littlest Flower. I needed this.

[Awakened|0 likes] [|reply]

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