+drowning myself+ | 09/28/2009 |
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I feel like I am having a serious crisis, one that has been threatening to blossom but that I have been expertly avoiding for weeks now- I feel like I’ve forgotten how to love. I look at the man I’ve said I’ll marry, buy a house with and build a life with- and I see a stranger… at dinner on Saturday we had nothing to say to each other, I feel like he doesn’t really know me, or want to probe and find out- I feel closer to my friend Dave, who I only started chatting to the past few weeks- then I do my own boyfriend. I look at him and the lust and passion has been replaced by comfort- I don’t want him physically unless I try hard to think about it… with George I wanted him every second of every day- admittedly I was a teenager, but my sex drive shouldn’t dwindle that much!
So basically I am at a loss for words as to what to do- I am longing to get away again- I want so badly to go traveling with Holly NOW not next summer… do I want to buy a house, yes… but do I want to buy one with him>?!? Inside I know that he is perfect for me, but this easiness that at first was the best thing about our relationship, is now the thing that is killing it. And how do you explain that to someone so sensitive without crushing them??!
I’m drowning, and the most ridiculous thing is, I’m the one throwing myself overboard.
Only 4 weeks left until half term and I can’t wait- I’ve got into that sleepy state of mind already- switching off for now.
Love Fallen xxx
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