I am still ill, and so not sleeping... this gives me a lot of musing time at night. I have realised that for the past 5 years or so (maybe longer) I have lacked a passion in my life. Nothing really excites or interests me as it should. Its a shame I got so stressed out by Holly on our USA trip or that would have been the closest thing to feeling wonder in a long time.
So many friends are settling and going down the route expected of us, the relationship/children or travelling route- and neither of those really appeal to me. I don't know what I really want from life, and feel like at the moment someone is just pulling me along so that I don't just stop going. I looked up international jobs today and found an amazing one in China. The idea of an adventure like that would be exciting, and fun... but possibly lonely and also I think I'd really miss the people I'd leave behind.
So what do I do? I know that a few more years of this routine will kill me. The boredom, monotony and repetitive nature of my life (well of most peoples lives) can't be all there is... I can't get promoted at work as there's nowhere higher to go unless someone leaves, I can't justify moving house as there's nowhere cheaper in this area... I don't really want another boyfriend or anything just yet, I need to figure myself out a bit more I think. And I am DEFINITELY not ready for a child, so what do I do?
Love Fallen xxx |
Loading...