So I'm officially back in AZ now. It's a little weird to be back in my parent's house, but I guess that's how things go. It's going to be a weird dynamic -- trying to please both my mom and my friends. Having to divide up time like this is something I'm not exactly used to.
All of a sudden I feel this rush of depression, though. Wandering through the house I realize how badly this economic bullshit is affecting my parents. They just don't have money to fix things that should have been fixed a while back. It makes me really sad. It makes me feel like going to college just isn't the best thing right now for anybody in the situation. Maybe I should plan on packing my things up and coming back home.
God knows my relationship with Ryan is far from spectacular. We all know that I'm not exactly thrilled with how everything is working out. And then on top of that I come home and see my mom trying to not let the fact that she can't afford to do stockings this year get her down. It gets me down. This fucking country. It's fucking with way too many people and it's heart wrenching to not be able to do anything about it. I don't even have a job for fuck's sake.
So now I can't decide whether my family is just a lot more "white trash" than I ever realized or if they're just honestly struggling to get by. What a horrible thing to have to think about. |
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