Oh, crap.

Most likely, y'all are going to think I'm either really childish after this entry or a really horrible person. Or both. Which is alright, I'm just getting it out of the way/giving you a warning.

So, last time I wrote, my uncles and everyone were here and it went fine and they left. Afterward, he (Brad, one of my uncles) called and asked me how I would feel about him moving here and I didn't say how I really felt because I just...I'm not comfortable yet and he's a nice guy - super nice to me. A little too redneck for me at times (and I really shouldn't talk because I am straight up redneck most of the time ), some of the stuff he says is a little backwards (to me) and pisses me off but in the end, it doesn't really matter, peoples' opinions are theirs and I'm not interested in arguing with someone I don't know really well. He says some derogatory things sometimes and I do speak up and then we move on. He has no problem with gay folks, I'm gay and his sister (my aunt) is too. It's just everyone else he's a little backwards about, which is why I do speak up sometimes because I do not agree with that crap - but like I said, despite all that, he's a lot nicer to me than my mom is and his wife, she's a lot more open-minded like me and crazy nice and so are his kids (one of whom he adopted from his sister, the gay one, because she's pretty messed up).

Anyway, in all the weeks he's been talking about moving here, he never mentioned that my mom was wanting to move here too, so I assumed that it was just going to be him and his family and I was breathing a little easier. Well, you know what they say about assumptions, right? Because Brad and Jeremy (his kid) came over today and we were talking, my dad said something about "what's Loretta (my mom) going to do?" and my uncle was like "oh, she's coming too. She's going to try to live in Michigan." My eyes got as big as saucers and he must've seen it because he was like "Oh, you didn't know?" and all I could do was shake my head because I honestly didn't think she'd want to live anywhere other than Florida and Texas. All my life, she's always been in either one of those states so I just thought she'd stay down there.

Now, not only am I going to have to deal with trying to be happy, well-adjusted, has no issues Jamie all the time - I'm going to have to deal with everyone thinking that we're all okay and just one big happy family suddenly. I do not mind hanging out with these people if I have buffers and can go home, it's not that - but it's just...I feel like they think all my issues with my mom are going to disappear since she's up here and I can't downshift that fast. I can't. I feel sort of cornered and tricked and I guess it's my fault for assuming but I feel like someone could've at least warned me. And the worst part is, I feel like I can't say anything to anyone because 1. I don't know these people well and I don't know if they're going to flip out on me or not and 2. if I talk to Tori or my aunt about it, they'll just tell me that it's time to "get over my issues and grow up" because they said it the last time everyone was here and like I said, I did. I sacked up, was all smiles, was nice, and played the good little well-adjusted Jamie who holds no resentment toward anyone. And that's all well and good but at some point, keeping all that up, I'm going to crack because I always do. I'm good, but I ain't that good. So what the fuck do I do? My brother is the only one that understands - and oh man, if he goes to Texas to live, I am so there.

However, I did find it completely ironic that after spending a week with me, Brad wanted to move up here in order to spend time with me and when I was with both of my exes, they claimed to love me and yet, wouldn't move anywhere near me (though, neither would I for my own stupid reasons). I started laughing about that the other day when it dawned on me and my dad looked at me like I was crazy. Which, I am but still. Apparently I get it from my mom, that's what my uncle says. I get her crazy, her addictive personality, and her alcoholism. Nice. I'm such a winner.

Lots of people get "Jamie fever" but it usually goes away once people figure out that I'm not so great. I'm hoping the pattern doesn't break with them because I don't know if I can handle going from having no family to everyone up my ass at once.