cleaning

i woke up and realized

i do not remember much from yesterday

well, i remember walking for four hours through the woods

and stumbling upon a rave, hidden in a green ampitheatre in the middle of nowhere

and i remember climbing into a sunshine daydream van and climbing out in front of my apartment

the ceiling was dancing

the wooden floor was the ocean

and the day before that

i hated you

we hated each other because we couldn't feel, didn't care

and the day before that

we rose and fell in unison

like magic

you know, when you're on this shit

your heart might explode

but if it does, at least you're happy

the day before that

we leaned outside our window smoking

saying, we should quit

i want to quit

and we finished a pack and said

maybe just one more

i have too many thoughts in my head

i want them all out

out out out

the color purple seems really bright today

my brain hurts

i want to quit

i want to move away

i hate this place, i hate this tiny place i live in

i hate being broke and being sad

no more drugs

maaaaaaaw