My day today was horrible if you read the past entries you understand. Ive read all the comments and everyone has said the same thing....end it...Today I spoke to my friend Johanna and just spilled my guts out to her, unexpectatly. It ended in me crying in school hurray. I basicaly said everything ive said to you guys so no need to repeat. She gave me some really good advice bc she was in the same spot. Stating if im doubting it now then...not good. But she advized me to go see him, and shes said "alex when you see him, ull know" well on the way to his house i cried the whole way and im my head ther second i looked at him i would burst into tears.
I walked into the house and I had no tears, i felt tired and wanted nothing more than to feel that sence of comfort i have with him. We cuddled and i felt safe and content. We ordered pizza and i had to drive there with him. He asked me what was wrong bc i told him i left class. My mouth was cemented...i had no drive to speak and i just shook me head. Hes like its the weather, id makes you depressed and said hes felt the same. I just shook my head and agreed. I didnt feel right to talk about it.
I understand that i have to talk about this with him and that we probably arent ment together and i can accept that. But at this point and time i am not ready for the end. We dont fight everyday, he doesnt beat me or treat me like crap. Its just things that we have to work on and i have to speak up. When i feel like he is disrepecting my family i have to tell him to stop and that it upsets me.
When were first started dating we desided that we would be honest and talk to each other and if i tell him that i want to end it out of the blue it doesnt seem fare. Im probably making excuses and Im sure my readers are like "AAAAAHHHHHHH stupid girl!" but thats ok bc i will know when i hit the breaking point and im not there yet.
I love him and i want this to work out.....i love him |
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