04

09/14/2013

I woke up in a mood.....today I'm just listening to my country music and kinda deep in thought. They say if you want something bad enough it can happen if you're crazy enough to believe it will. So be it. I have a lot going on emotionally and I decided to let things go with the flow, and be the laid back girl I know I am.

I haven't got on Facebook in a while, decided to get on the other night and it bit me in the ass. They say if you go looking for trouble you will find it. My findings were nothing short of just bruising my inner peace and sparking anxiety, fuck :/ Love is hard for me....if I say it I mean it. I give my all maybe I give too much maybe I need a hit on the head with a frying pan. It's hard to be anyone I'm not, I tried that once and it was so miserable. I remember how Neal loved redheads and I wanted to be a redhead and he'd say no because I couldn't pull it off. I guess he was right, but I tried.

I wish all the shit in my head that cloud my mind would just ease up. I started V-logging but haven't really shared the link. I might delete it but not sure. The only word I'm constantly thinking of lately; delete.

I think today I want to be left alone, going through my things, old photos. I never again want to just exist to someone. I know my self worth. I'm a good girl...I don't deserve that again. I never want to beg for love again, for attention and affection and that stability. How do you tell someone that You love that I am the way I am because I love you and I need you. You make me feel safe and protected and all I want to do is love you for it and be close. I saw that you were beautiful and I loved you, I saw that you were unperfect and I loved you more. <3

The days are beautiful and I'm just a little tumbleweed blowing around