I've Been Denied All the Best

02/19/2009

Ultrasex

I've been feeling pretty down lately. First off, I want to make a note that one of my rats died last night. We went out to a pet store and found a cute little dumbo rat that happened to be all alone, I gave in to Derek and we brought her home, and she got into a fight with our Panikk, and...in the end, Panikk couldn't move and eventually started seizing and then she just stopped breathing. I'm not sure what happened, my mom speculates that it was internal bleeding probably. Derek's been blaming himself for it, he actually cried last night. I'm going to also make a side note that this is a big deal because Derek never cries...not in all the time that we've been together has he actually cried, and me, being the total opposite, I cry constantly. He knows that I don't blame him, and I've tried to tell him that it was really just an accident, because who could've guess that the new baby, who was two times smaller than Panikk could've actually done enough damage to kill her? Panikk's sister, Ribbon, has been...incredibly inactive today. I've tried to let her out to play a few times, each time she just crawls up onto the windowsill and just...lays there. It reminds me of one of my old friend's stories about how when she lost one of her rats to uh...a respiratory infection, it's cage mate ended up actually getting depressed and would hiss anytime she tried to take the dead rats blanket from the cage.

On the other side of things, gonna take a spin around, my sister's rabbit had babies today. Her second litter. She gave birth to...nine little baby bunnies, unfortunately, one didn't make it, so only eight are left. They're incredibly small and some of them also probably won't make it through the next week. Her first litter, she only had two, both of which are growing up nicely, and are still only 1 month old. I'm starting to understand where the phrase "fucking like rabbits" comes from.

I donno, Derek and I have been doing well most of the time recently. We had a minor throwdown a few day ago, but were too exhausted to really get into anything so we gave up before it got started. I just really haven't been feeling...great. My mind has just been, completely blank, and I haven't even felt like doing anything. He's been getting upset, because most of the time when he's on the computer doing something I just lay on the bed and stare at the wall. He thinks it's because of him, but I keep telling him that I just don't feel like doing anything. I guess I'm just depressed for some reason, though when it all hit, there wasn't anything to be depressed about. It's just one of those things. I'd like to cheer up and tell him that I'm fine and that everything is great, but I just don't feel it. Hell, I hardly even feel like writing this right now, but I figure I have to because it's supposed to be good therapy.

Oh, yeah, I went to the doctor a few weeks back, just for a normal everyday checkup and apparently some of my test results came back "abnormal." When asked what that meant, I couldn't get an answer, but was told that I have to come back in for additional testing. As if I didn't have enough on my mind without having to worry about abnormal test results. I mean seriously, all my life, I've been the queen of normal health. Nothing's ever been wrong with me, so whenever something pops up, mixed in with my inate ability to freak out and worry about every single tiny detail or outcome of it, I'm driving myself crazy already.

Panikk's the lighter one. The other is Hidden. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of Ribbon as she's usually too active to capture on film. And the new baby, well...she's only been here for less than a day and I haven't felt like getting around to it...