I thought I should put a proper entry and not just a random survey.
I'm filling out the first part of the 5,000 question survey and one of the questions on there just really got to me.
"What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? "
I honestly can't answer it.
So much has happened in my life, a lot of it amazingly painful, emotionally, that I really can't choose the worst thing.
There's years of abuse by my biological parents and the men that they used to entertain.
Years of being shoved around different foster homes and psych units.
Being bullied all through school.
Flashbacks that still affect me today.
Hallucinations of a man that tells me I'm worthless, useless, I should hurt myself, hurt others.
There's lots of other things too that I haven't listed. I really can't choose what was the most painful.
I think all of it has been just as painful in its own way. It all affects the person I am today.
All my mental health issues come from those things, a couple of my physical illnesses come from them, too.
They're the reason I can't trust people easily, the reason I have issues with being touched.
I'm scared of guys, but at the same time I get on better with guys than I do girls.
I still have to sleep with a light on because being in the dark makes me panic and have flashbacks.
Again, lots of other things that I haven't listed. But I'm still very affected by those things, and genuinely can't decide what one has caused the most emotional pain.
I realise this is a very short and depressing entry but the question just got me thinking and I decided to write it down.
Davey |
Loading...
