Warning: Contains content that some people will find offensive and uncomfortable to read.
Yay, a rant to start off my new diary!
I figured I may as well get the angry bit out the way first.
I'm 16 years old.
In the UK, where I live it is perfectly legal for me to engage in sexual activity.
This doesn't actually matter to me, I'm asexual. I have no desire to have sex with anyone.
The reason it's the beginning to this rant is because of some of my interests, which you will see if you take a glance at the left hand side of this page.
I am very much interested in BDSM, specifically D/s (Dominance/submission, for those of you that don't know). However my particular interests get even more specific than that.
My particular "Kink"is Owner/pet and Daddy/little girl.
I'm going to clarify one thing right now, just in case people missed it.
I am ASEXUAL there is NO SEX involved in what I want to do.
People that age play are NOT pedophiles. Most littles do not want sexual play when they are in their little space.
Now I've got that out of the way...
Anyway, the reason I bought up the sex thing is because BDSM, D/s are normally sexual lifestyles. For me it's not, as, once again, I am Asexual.
However the "this is a sexual lifestyle, you're too young." is usually what I'm told when I try to approach a forum or chatroom about it. I can lie about my age, yes, but people in these rooms and forums are pretty good at spotting underagers.
What I don't understand is:
1. If I am old enough to legally have sex in my country, why is the fact that the lifestyle is usually sexual a problem?
2. If what I am after is answers, no sexual role play and no sexual interaction, just information, why is that a problem?
I am NOT asking anyone to come to my house and have sex with me. I am not asking to have cyber sex, phone sex, or any other kind of sex.
I am simply looking for somewhere to go where I can speak to other people with the same interests as me.
For the pet side, basically I like the idea of being a human pet. Cared for and looked after just like you would a pet. Although I would like to stay human, I do have some cat like tendancies so I am curious about kittenplay.
As for the little girl thing. I am a little.
It's not something I've chosen to be, it's just something I am.
In brief, a little is someone (in BDSM communities they say it's someone over 18 specifically, but I know I'm not the only 16 - 17 year old little around, I've met at least one) who identifies and acts in a way that is child-like.
For some it is an age play thing, they choose to act little for a certain period of time in a day and then go back to being an adult for the rest of the time.
For others (like me) it's just who they are.
A lot of fetish sites say that for many, it's due to abuse when they were a child and it's a way to get a second chance at childhood.
My psychiartist agrees that this is probably the case with me.
There is a good writing about it here: fetlife.com/groups/24845/group_posts/1100328 Though you have to join the site (not the group) to see it. I am not a member of the group.
The site is for people aged 18 and over. Yes I've joined before I'm supposed to. I want to be able to read about, and talk to people in the lifestyle I'm interested in.
The second thing that's bothering me is the reaction of a friend, who is also a member of that site and has kinks of their own. The profile I have on there lists the kinks I have, including the being little thing.
As it's unlikely I'm going to find a partner to be little with (most littles have a Daddy or Mummy to be little around, usually their dominant in a D/s relationship) I asked him if he knew of anywhere that I could role play and let my little out. We are both roleplayers (in a Dungeons and Dragons sense, not kink) online and I thought he might know somewhere where child characters are welcomed.
Anyway, he didn't know what I meant by the term my little so I linked him to the article mentioned above.
His reaction was not what I expected as I thought he knew about this side of me.
(I have permission to quote him)
Friend: I'll be honest, it does make me a little uneasy but I'm not going to question your decision
Me: sorry
Friend: No need to apologise
Me: why does it make you uneasy? (you don't have to answer)
Friend: 2 different reasons
Friend: 1: You always say you hate it when people treat you like a child but yet you wanna be a little
Friend: 2: It makes you very vulnerable
Me: well, to number 1
Me: how i am right now, and how i am when i'm little is a totally different headspace
Me: they merge quite a lot, i admit that, and i think alot of my reluctance before was because i felt like i was being stupid
Me: but i've pretty much come to terms with the fact that it is how it is and i am how i am
Friend: Fair enough
Me: sorry if this is annoying but i feel like i have to explain more, i'll leave you alone after this you want, just let me explain at least
Me: "1: You always say you hate it when people treat you like a child but yet you wanna be a little"
Me: i DO hate it when people randomly treat me like a child, and yes, i am little (it's not really a choice, it just is)
Me: but i only let my little out around people i feel comfortable with, i generally try NOT to be little, because it weirds people out, and like i said earlier, i thought i was wrong/stupid for being like it, i'm only just becoming comfortable with it being how it is
Me: people i don't trust won't see the little side of me, unless it creeps out, which it does occasionally, so if people that i dont know or trust treat me like a child, then yes, i'll still get mad because my "big" side protects the little side, in a way (really not sure how to explain that part) people i trust and i let myself be little around (never been totally little around anyone yet) then it wouldn't be a problem
Me: anyway, sorry that was bothering me because i didn't explain right, i'll drop the subject now and stop annoying you
The subject hasn't been bought up again.
I'm trying my hardest to act "big" in front of him, even though he's someone I trust and have let my little out slightly around him (unconciously, I didn't just decide to do it, but it does happen at times)
Fact is, I have NO ONE I can talk to about this, and the communities that I could go onto and interact with like minded people are closed to me because I am deemed too young to be involved in a "sexual" lifestyle, even though I amat the age of consent and legally allowed to sleep with who I choose.
Anyway, this entry is stupidly long, and doesn't really make sense anymore so I'm going to end here.
If you made it this far, you deserve cookies.
Davey |
Loading...
