entry 13

So yesterday was mothers day and like every year in the last 10 I struggle with not calling her it takes everything in me to keep that boundary in place its for my own safety last summer when she tried to facebook me I had such a bad ptsd episode that I ended up inpatient for a week and i'm not doing that again. I don't talk to much about my mom to my church family and i didn't realize this but most people in my church just assumed that my mom was dead. my Dad expects me be so close to my step mom like i am with my stepdad but my stepdad helped raise me and for the first 15 ish years of my dads marriage to my stepmom i didn't know she existed but I did text her and told her I'd call her this week I've only met the women once and she's nice and everything but my father trying to force it. I think the thing that hurts and when I was living with my stepdad after he left my mother I was living 15-20 blocks from us in New York City and would make me go to Connecticut to see him. I know God is working on these things with me. So my dads being an ass again about my relationship with my older sister but I cant be the only one trying I mean I'll email her and i'll get a one word answer and I know we'll never be close as long as my mother is still alive.

So after a rough start to my CGM experience I'm loving it right now I was able to walk to church without worrying about where I need to stop to check my sugar and if I have to stop to treat a low/high and not only that it'll alert me and if my sugar is too funky it'll let Bren know and she can pull it up on her phone to check up on me. Well tonight is my night to cook I'm making lemon chicken with baby potatoes and some cauliflower I'm waiting for Bren gets home from physical therapy so that she'll be here when its ready well i'm going to stop for today