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is not an easy thing to do
Tim, this boy i've been talking to online for 4 years, has loved me forever. We've had so many plans to meet (he only live 10 minutes away) but either he or I would chicken out. My friend Alyssa saw him on my myspace and got interested right away. of course i wasn't going to tell her how he felt about me and how i didn't feel about him.
i immediately tried to hook them up with the thought of "if i get jealous and start to like tim after this im going to kill myself" but that never happened. everything was going great until alyssa told me that she cheated on her last bf and got pregnant and that shes over 3 months pregnant now... and shes keeping it.
tim is a virgin and hasn't gone any farther than i have and he's looking for a girl like that. so i feel awful because he knows shes my friend and he implies shes just like me. i've been careful about pushing him onto her lately but last night alyssa IMed me and told me that they'd been talking dirty to each other all day.
he used to say stuff to me online when he was dating other girls. so i don't know if i can trust him if i was ever in a relationship with him. so, tim starts telling alyssa how hes in love with and how i would and could never see him that way and he gave me this huge speech after he found out alyssa told me all of it.
he mentioned how badly i was hurt over nick, how he was always there for me, how he will love me for the rest of his life no matter what he does or says, and all of this stuff. hes the exact guy i've been looking for my entire life but hes one of my best friends who i tell everything and i can't fuck that up with a relationship. and i don't know how he acts in person so HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW if i could ever love him back?
ughhh. i started asking megan for advice and she thought i should give him a chance by going on at least one date with him and stuff. i really wished she would've just said, "actually steve really likes you and talks about you all the time, so maybe you should try that first". but of course she thinks tim is a good guy and a great idea and that he'd treat me like royalty.
i have not talked to steve in over a month but i guess im going over to his house on december 23rd to trip in his basement. by then i pry would've already hung out with tim. i wish someone would just TELL me already. i CANNOT tell him how i feel... i can't. i tease him too much and tease everyone else about him too much. he has to come to me. i've only been the one to tell the guy with NO CLUE once... and that was nick. i can't do the same thing with nick's BEST friend.
im... i don't know. i can go a month without talking or seeing steve and my feelings for him stay the same. but tim I DON'T KNOW! ughhh
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immortalized artiste & cherry seven extras
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